


Have You Met My Bodyguard?

by leviathanofthesky



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Heiwajima Shizuo, Protective Shiki Haruya, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:27:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28221648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leviathanofthesky/pseuds/leviathanofthesky
Summary: The echo of the gun still revolved around and around in his memory, the man’s eyes wide before they rolled back into his head.Izaya lets down his guard and gets shot when a remnant of his past surfaces during what should have been a simple job. Shizuo unexpectedly saves his greatest enemy, and he finds himself enlisted by Shiki to keep the informant away from trouble while the Awakusu-kai pursues the culprit.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Comments: 52
Kudos: 261





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This was originally meant as a one-shot inspired by the doujinshi Nemesis by Bons, but I kept rewriting parts of it again and again and... I gave up. Here's a short multi-chaptered disaster with awkward interactions I would love to see Shizuo and Izaya having with some Shiki sprinkled in. Enjoy!

Izaya leaned against the cold dirty wall, his vision wavering dangerously as he attempted to put some pressure on the wounds. He couldn't decide between the blood gushing out from his arm or the seeping hole in his lower torso, but he knew he was losing too much too fast. He felt the warmth seep between his fingers when he settled for his right shoulder, and he supposed that he should at least be thankful that the bullet had missed the bone.

He clenched his teeth when the pain only escalated from his efforts, his vision white as he slid to the floor, his legs becoming numb from the blood loss. He had run quite far from the shooter, but for a moment he wished the other would just quickly come and finish the job so that the pain would go away.

"Damn it!" he hissed as he recalled how his body had involuntarily froze earlier. It should have been a simple task: find the man Shiki had assigned him and convince the traitor to turn himself in to the Awakusu-kai before it got messy. Unfortunately, they had forgotten to inform him that his target had acquired one of their smuggled firearms.

He also didn't account for the fact that Ishikawa had actually looked into his past with the Awakusu-kai. Izaya himself was never officially part of the group, so there was really no need to delve that deep unless the man had predicted that Shiki would send him in place of the usual cleanup crew. He thought that he had already successfully buried _that_ after all these years, but he could still remember those accusing eyes right before they rolled back, the man's blood blending into the trickle that was currently making its way down his arm.

Izaya gasped when a wave of nausea swept through him and closed his eyes, barely able to concentrate on his breathing. His head spun in circles, and he struggled to stay conscious, letting go of his arm in an attempt to blindly grab one of his phones to call for help. He coughed to clear his throat, finding it increasingly difficult to breathe when the first flicker of fear ran across his mind. He was going to die here, alone.

The thought stopped him in his tracks, dangerously draining him of what little energy he had left. For some inexplicable reason, dyed golden hair, angry brown eyes framed with a pair of purple sunglasses on a silly bartender suit came into mind. He smiled bitterly, exasperated that his mind would conjure up that man of all people in his final moments. He supposed that he had always wanted to die with someone by his side, but it seemed that the monster was not destined to be the one who killed him.

This was fine too, he guessed.

_What a pity._

It was at that moment he heard footsteps approaching, far too slow to be from the one pursuing him. Izaya weakly lifted his head to the moonlit silhouette before him, almost amazed at the other's impeccable timing. He could recognize that man anywhere, even when he himself was in the throes of death.

"I get to see Shizu-chan right before I die," he managed, the corners of his lips turning up to a weak smirk despite himself. "It must be my lucky day."

"What the hell are you talking about, flea?" the man growled, power incarnate approaching him like a beast stalking its prey. To Izaya's surprise, the anger strangely dissipated from the other's eyes when Shizuo's face came into focus in his own wavering line of sight. "What happened to you?" If anything, the other sounded almost worried.

He didn't understand why the other was hesitating now that Shizuo had him cornered like this. It was the perfect opportunity for the bodyguard to finally kill him, just as he had been imagining it in his head over and over again all these years.

It was the perfect ending for him, to be killed by someone who hated him this much.

Shizuo squatted to eye level, those brown eyes wide with surprise at Izaya's sorry state, causing his stomach to flip uncomfortably at such an alien expression on the other. He didn't understand why Shizuo had to look at him like that. Like always, the bodyguard didn't make any sense. The monster was an enigma, a stain upon human society.

The only being worthy at finishing the job.

"Now's your chance, monster," he tried goading the other, weakly grabbing one of Shizuo's hands to guide to his own neck. The sudden warmth surprised him, reminding him of the thick liquid that splashed across his face right after the sudden bang from above him. His head lurched at the memory, and Izaya tried to stand up, filled with the inexplicable urge to run.

_The echo of the gun still revolved around and around in his memory, the man's eyes wide before they rolled back into his head._

"Hey, Izaya!" he could hear the other call his name as he fell to the earth.

.

Shinra sighed, massaging his temple as he slumped onto one of the benches in the hallway. He had excused himself from the operating room, finding himself more in the way than anything once the surgery started. Izaya's skin was nearly white when Shizuo finally heaved the informant into the trauma bay, and there were a few moments when Shinra thought the heart monitor was going to read zero before the nurses managed to get the blood transfusion started.

He had always anticipated Izaya to slip up one of these days and get himself shot given the informant's career choice, but actually seeing the other in this state really affected him more than he thought it would.

The doctor looked up when he heard footsteps approach him, fearing the worst. He nearly let out a sigh of relief when he realized it wasn't one of the surgeons.

"Ah, Shiki-san, I didn't expect you to come so soon," he greeted the other. He had an inkling that Izaya was shot during one of the Awakusu-kai's jobs and wondered if the target was the informant himself. He tensed at the thought, bracing himself for the event that he needed to convince the other to not finish the job.

"How is Orihara-san doing?" Shiki seemed concerned, so he considered it a good start to the conversation.

"They're operating right now. If Shizuo had brought him in even a few minutes later, his heart might have stopped. He's lost a lot of blood; one of the bullets hit an artery," he found himself blabbering.

"I see." To his surprise, Shiki looked away. "I failed to tell him that the target had stolen one of our guns. We didn't notice until just after he left for the assignment."

Shinra swallowed thickly at the implications. "Do I need to have them put a do not announce in his chart?"

"I've already requested for one."

"That serious, huh…" Shinra muttered.

"My men are hunting the culprit as we speak."

Shinra put a hand up to his chin in contemplation. "It isn't like him to mess up like this though. Something must have caught him by surprise." He sighed, hoping that the surgery would go well. They had activated the massive transfusion protocol after all, so at least Izaya received enough blood to hold him off until they stopped the bleeding. He had never seen Izaya get injured to this extent, even with all the fights with Shizuo over the years. It was a stark reminder that underneath the elusive exterior was just another fragile human body.

"By the way, am I correct in hearing that Heiwajima-san found him?" Shiki interrupted his thoughts.

"Ah, yes." Shinra cleared his throat. "Lucky he phoned me on the way to my house so I could tell him to go to the hospital directly." He chuckled lightly. "It's a strange turn of events isn't it? I've never seen him that worried before."

.

Shizuo breathed out, tossing his cigarette on the floor before crushing it under his foot rather listlessly. He had intended to leave Izaya back in that alley, but his body just moved on its own accord as soon as the flea collapsed in his arms. He could still smell the blood lingering on his clothes. He left the hospital as soon as they wheeled Izaya's limp form out of the trauma bay, but his feet refused to bring him home even to change. Instead, he found himself wandering the streets outside the hospital, ignoring the constant stares at his bloodstained jacket.

He wondered if the smell of the flea's blood would ever disappear even if he burned the soiled garment. He remembered how Izaya had suddenly tried to run right after the other attempted to provoke him. He didn't know what game the flea was trying to play, but it had obviously backfired rather uncharacteristically. He sighed again, trying to muster the energy to go home.

A sudden change in the footsteps around him made him look up to see a man in a white suit walking towards him, an oddity in the sea of faces that flowed around him and his bloodstained jacket. He stared the stranger down, the hairs on the back of his neck bristling as he wondered if this was the culprit who shot Izaya.

Regardless, his instincts told him that this man was dangerous.

"You must be Heiwajima-san," the stranger stated rather calmly.

"What's it to you?"

"My name is Shiki." The man called Shiki looked to the side, briefly scanning the crowds around them. "Shall we move locations? I would like to talk to you regarding Orihara."

He hesitated for a moment, considering his options. Perhaps Shiki could tell him just what happened to Izaya, and if anything, the exchange should suffice at distracting him from these confusing thoughts for at least a few minutes. Shizuo nodded in affirmative before the other motioned to a nearby cafe. He supposed the choice of location was benign enough.

Shizuo followed Shiki to a corner table in the cozy shop, finding the heater soothing him somewhat as he took off his soiled jacket.

"What would you have, Heiwajima-san? It's my treat."

"Just coffee," he muttered, eying the container of sugar on the table.

They sat in silence until the waiter set two cups of coffee in front of them before nervously scurrying away, not blind to the danger that seemed to hang around the two of them. Shizuo kept a watchful eye on the other as he poured a mound of sugar and cream into his own mug.

Shiki took a small sip of his own cup of steaming coffee before setting it down. "I must thank you for saving Izaya."

_'First name basis?'_

"It's nothing," Shizuo grumbled. The other must know of his and Izaya's constant fights throughout Ikebukuro. He didn't understand why the man would go out of his way to thank him. "Did you catch the guy who shot him?" he asked before drinking his own sweetened coffee.

"He will be dealt with," the other answered.

"Geez, I didn't know that the flea takes on such dangerous jobs," Shizuo muttered, momentarily forgetting just who he might be talking to.

"He is quite the negotiator. Under normal circumstances, it would have been flawlessly executed," the other commented.

Shizuo involuntarily raised an eyebrow. "The guy had a gun."

This statement seemed to amuse Shiki. "Why are you so concerned for him? I thought that you hated him."

"I do!" Shizuo groaned, finding himself staring at the motionless informant's body once again in his head. "I just… He was hurt." He could still not come with a single logical explanation for why he had helped the greatest menace of his life.

Shiki regarded him for a moment, taking the time to sip slowly on the coffee. "You're different from how Izaya views you," the man commented to Shizuo's surprise.

"Don't listen to a word that flea says," he growled.

Shiki chuckled at that. "His information is always top notch except when it's regarding you, it seems."

They finished their coffee a little later and Shizuo found himself back outside in the cold again, bloodied jacket zipped up and mind calm enough to head home. He'd figure Shinra would text him with any specifics if Izaya was to suddenly die on the operating table or something.

"Well, thank you for the nice chat, Heiwajima-san. I hope to meet again," Shiki told him.

He nodded, hoping for the latter. Yakuza were never good news.


	2. Chapter 2

The first thing Izaya noticed was the heavy throb in his arm as he came to, the ceiling spinning in circles above him, blending in with the rhythmic beep of a heart monitor. He could hear a strange tapping sound somewhere in the midst of his own breathing, an anomaly for a hospital room for sure. He wondered if he was still dreaming as he blinked a few more times, but the walls started to come into focus, and he could discern the outline of a lone figure to the side of him typing away on a laptop.

The man wore a pair of rectangular glasses and a lab coat, so he must be one of the doctors. Izaya hadn’t been in a hospital for quite a while now, but the last time he checked, the physicians didn’t normally stay in the same room as their patients unless they were about to die. 

He also couldn’t think of anyone who would actually visit him in the hospital. His sisters certainly wouldn’t, and he hadn’t talked to his parents for probably a few years now, not that they would want to hear about him unless he was already dead. It took another moment for his brain to register who would so diligently sit next to his sickbed.

“Shinra?” he croaked, finding his mouth uncomfortably dry as he forced the sound out of his vocal cords. It felt disgusting, and he concluded that they had definitely placed a tube down his throat at some point due to the soreness.

“You’re awake!” the doctor beamed as he hopped to his feet. Izaya heard the sound of ice from across the room before the other returned with a gray plastic container of sorts, the end of a straw sticking out from the top. “Here,” Shinra said, holding the cup out for him and positioning the straw to his mouth so that he would not have to move.

“Thanks.” Izaya drank greedily, relishing in the comfort as the cold water soothed his parched throat. He almost sighed in contentment after Shinra took the cup away before he felt his own stomach growl. Izaya groaned, leaning his full weight back into the pillows as he assessed the damage. They had one of his arms heavily bandaged, and he could see layers of gauze under his hospital gown. “How long was I out?”

“Surprisingly only a day. They had to intubate you for the surgery. I told them they’d probably didn’t need to put a feeding tube in afterwards, and I was right!”

“Well congratulations,” he commented sarcastically, closing his eyes. He couldn’t remember how he had managed to call Shinra. He recalled trying to grab one of his phones out of his pockets when…

“Wait,” he gasped, attempting to sit up on instinct when the memory came back to him only for a sharp pain to shoot through his chest and arm. He gasped, nearly seeing white as his body gave way, and the room started to spin. 

“Izaya!” Shinra caught him, gingerly guiding him back down to the pillows as he clenched his eyes tight, waiting for the episode to pass. He didn’t remember it hurting this much after the gun went off, but he supposed the power of adrenaline might have aided him that night. He could hear the doctor manipulating something to the side, and after a slight tingle in his arm, the pain slowly subsided down to a bearable throb.

“Geez! You shouldn’t move so suddenly like that or you’ll rip something open.” Shinra sat back down on the chair, shaking his head as he removed the disposable gloves he had slipped on to prepare the pain medication.

“I’ll take note of that,” Izaya finally breathed, looking back at Shinra to find his vision now blurred from whatever Shinra had given him and his thoughts annoyingly fuzzy. “So…” he attempted to ask again, although he already knew the answer, as absurd as it was.

“Yes, Shizuo brought you here,” Shinra answered him. “He called me shortly after you passed out.”

Izaya covered his eyes with his good arm, nauseous at the very thought that his greatest enemy had been the one to save him. Hadn’t he guided those hands to his throat? After everything that had happened between them, Shizuo should have finished the job. He would have finally...

“I don’t understand,” he muttered.

“Why he would save you?" Shinra finished for him, as if the other understood, as if it made perfect sense why he was still alive even after the monster should have left him back in that alley to die.

Izaya gritted his teeth. “He hates me.”

_As much as I hate myself._

Shinra smiled sadly, the pity almost apparent in the other’s eyes.

He hated that too.

“Because that’s what humans do.”

.

Shiki entered the private hospital room quietly, not at all surprised to find the informant already sitting up and typing away on a laptop with one hand, the other immobile by a sling wrapped around the man’s neck. He detected a slight weariness in the other’s expression before Izaya noticed his arrival, and then it was gone, all business masks back up like always.

“I take it that you’ve come to assess my usefulness,” Izaya greeted him lightly. 

He chose to ignore that remark and instead closed the distance to the bed, noting the additional bandages that peeked out from under Izaya’s collar. “What happened?” he asked instead.

Izaya looked away, the gesture not going unnoticed by Shiki. 

“I didn’t prepare for the chance that he had a gun. Rookie mistake really…” the informant began.

“But that’s not the real reason, right?” he interrupted the other, unwilling to let the informant dodge the issue at hand. Izaya was far too skilled to have gotten himself shot _twice_ , both of which could have been potentially fatal.

The informant closed his laptop, the corners of his mouth twitching as he seemed to consider his answer to Shiki. The yakuza was patient, though. He had worked with Izaya all these years after all and had the privilege of seeing the other’s rare lapses in acting.

“You can tell me, Izaya,” he pressed on, seeing the informant twitch at the use of his first name. 

Izaya laughed lightly to cover his nervousness, and Shiki could detect the slight tremble in the other’s fingers as the informant clasped his hands together on his lap. “I knew it was bogus information, but he said that Nakamura was back in Ikebukuro, probably just to gauge my reaction. I wasn’t aware that he had looked that much into me.”

Shiki knew that he had failed to hide the surprise in his own expression from the other. The mere mention of that man’s name brought a bitter taste to his mouth, and he felt the anger building up slowly despite himself.

“Nakamura is dead. I killed him myself,” he stated, nearly hissing the words. He hated how the other still had such a strong impact on his best informant even after all these years. Nakamura remained a stark reminder of his own failure at separating rationality from his emotions.

“I am well aware.”

“Tch.” Shiki took out a cigarette to contain his irritation. “I wouldn’t have sent you this job if I had known.” 

Izaya shifted uncomfortably, likely misinterpreting his real intentions. “Please give me a few days, Shiki. I’ll track him down again,” Izaya insisted, moving to open the laptop when Shiki reached out and held it closed.

“I have my men out looking for him already. I’d rather you spent the time to recover.”

“I can…”

“Do not pursue him, Izaya,” he repeated sternly.

.

Shizuo sat on the park bench, staring at the full moon before him as he watched the steam from his breath trail up to the sky. As cold as it was tonight, the quiet atmosphere brought about a rare calm for him, void of the usual bustle of the Ikebukuro crowds. His thoughts these past few days had been anything but peaceful, his mind continuously returning to Izaya and the blood trickling down on the pavement as he desperately phoned Shinra.

The fact that Izaya could have died, that he could have finally been rid of the flea but chose to save the other, continued to confuse him to no end. Talking to Celty about it did help a little, as the other reassured him that he had done the right thing. He probably wouldn’t have left anyone to die alone in a situation like that.

He wondered if the cursed informant would finally leave him alone after this, or would they return back to normal once Izaya was back on his feet. He certainly didn’t miss the chases, but the quiet threw him off.

As if the damned flea had heard him, a sudden shadow in front of him nearly made him start, but he managed to hold his fist back at the last moment with quite the effort. Izaya grinned, surely amused by his internal conflict, and Shizuo nearly changed his mind about punching the other on sight. 

“Should you really be running around?” Shizuo growled as Izaya took a seat next to him. The flea’s dominant arm was still up in a sling and for all he knew the man’s chest wound was in a similar shape. It took another moment before he noticed the name band around Izaya’s wrist. “Did you escape from the hospital or something?”

“It was feeling a little stuffy in there with only Shinra visiting me so I decided to take a walk.”

“Well don’t bother me if you’re just taking a walk.”

“Well don’t hang out in the park closest to the same hospital that you dropped me off at if you don’t want me to bother you,” Izaya returned.

“Tch.” Shizuo lit a cigarette, inhaling it slowly to calm his anger. He didn’t understand why the other would search him out now, especially since he had just started recovering. It was like Izaya had a death wish. The thought only irritated him more. If the flea was looking to die, then he was sure not going to have any part of it. “I don’t want to fight you anymore.” The words came out different than he had envisioned them.

“I don’t think I can handle Shizu-chan’s strength at the moment, either,” Izaya replied, obviously missing his intent. 

“Then why are you here? Why did you approach me?” he growled.

“I don’t know,” the other admitted, nearly mumbling the words.

Shizuo really looked at him now, wondering if he was talking to a different person. Izaya’s eyes were downcast and clearly exhausted. His own chest clenched a little at the observation. He had been so accustomed to the flea’s condescending smile, that such a human expression on the other looked completely out of place.

They stayed silent for a while, the chilly wind throwing a few leaves about the park grounds, warning of the coming winter.

“Did they catch the guy who shot you?” Shizuo finally asked in an attempt to make some small talk, uncomfortable with the other’s unusual silence.

“They told me they’re still looking for him.”

“By they you mean that Shiki guy?”

This elicited some reaction from Izaya as the other turned to face him. “You’ve met him?”

“He sought me out after I brought you to the hospital. He’s part of the yakuza, isn’t he?”

“You shouldn’t be playing around with the yakuza, Shizu-chan.”

“Same to you, idiot. That’s why you got shot, right?”

Izaya blinked at him in surprise. “Shizu-chan’s worried about me! I’m shocked!” he tried to play it off, but the discomfort in his voice was clear and struck Shizuo as quite odd. Izaya sighed. “Well, if you’re not going to kill me, then what good are you?”

“Are you trying to make me mad?”

“I’m always trying to anger you, Shizu-chan!” the flea declared dramatically. “What do I have left with you if you’re going to start acting like the human you are?”

Shizuo stopped at that, wondering if Izaya realized that he had just calmed him a “human.”

“That’s why you saved me, right?” the informant continued meekly, as if he were hoping Shizuo to prove him wrong.

“You were hurt, so I helped,” he answered simply. 

He detected a small forlorn smile on the other’s face. “See, a human. How unfortunate.”

The informant had never seemed as small as he did now, hunched up in his usual giant coat on this cold autumn night.

“I guess we’ll call a temporary truce then,” Izaya finally spoke after a while, causing him to look back to the other. “As thanks for saving me.”

Shizuo could only stare blankly at him, wondering if the world was coming to an end.


	3. Chapter 3

“I’ll see you up to your apartment.” 

“You don’t have to go out of your way,” Izaya insisted, waving nonchalantly with his free hand. “They’ve discharged me already. I’ll be fine on my own.”

Shiki sighed, clearly exacerbated with his stubbornness on the entire matter, but Izaya was determined to return to the normal swing of things after being hospitalized for a full two weeks. “Your orders are for strict bed rest. Don’t overdo it,” the yakuza warned him.

Izaya grinned. “I’ll be fine. Thank you for the ride, Shiki.”

He could almost feel the other’s eyes on him as he entered the building, and he kept his steps even until he was safely inside the elevator. Izaya allowed himself to lean against the wall once he was out of sight, letting out the groan he had been holding in. The entire situation irked him to no end, not being able to even walk without his chest screaming in protest.

Once he found himself in the comfort of his own apartment did he realize that its layout was on an entirely different level of difficulty for his injury. Izaya gritted his teeth and began the ascent up the short flight of stairs, cursing his oversight as each step sent a fresh wave of pain through his chest. The trek up seemed endless, the reward unfulfilling when he finally collapsed onto the familiar bed fully clothed, too exhausted to even consider heading to the bathroom. 

Izaya rolled onto his back, lamenting the decision not to rent a hotel room as he stared blankly at the ceiling. He swore at least one of the stitches on his chest surely must have popped open with the amount of burning he felt. Izaya lifted his shirt with some effort to double check, finding the bandages still clean. He sighed, letting his good arm drop back to the bed.

To add insult to injury, his phone rang at that moment, almost as if it was taunting him. Izaya groaned, considering whether or not to ignore the call. It could be Shiki, and he wouldn’t put it past the other to come up to check on him if he were to let it ring. He couldn’t afford any more displays of weakness, given that he had also lost the target during this last botched job. Izaya slowly reached into his pocket and answered it, forgetting to check the caller ID.

“Hello?” He struggled to mask the strain in his voice.

“You’re already home?” Shinra asked on the other line. “You should have told me they were discharging you today.”

He let out the breath he had been holding, relieved that he did not accidentally pick up a call from one of his many clients. 

“I’ll survive. You don’t have to worry about me,” he told the other despite the current screaming in his chest. He did not expect Shinra to continue fussing over him now that he was out of the hospital. It felt strange to have someone worry about him this much. 

There was a small pause on the other end of the line. “Don’t tell me you tried to go up the stairs by yourself?”

“Maybe.”

There was an exasperated sigh. “Why didn't you ask for help?”

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” Izaya insisted. “I’ll let you know if I rip anything open, and then you can yell at me all you want as my doctor.”

“Well as your doctor, I hope that you wouldn’t do anything too taxing for the next few weeks. I can have Celty drop off food if you need it.”

“I’ll get Namie to do it. Please don’t go out of your way.”

The other chuckled. “Well, make sure she doesn’t slip anything strange into it. And, remember to take your meds. They’ll help with the pain.”

“We’ll see. They make me dizzy.”

Izaya let the phone drop to the bedsheets after hanging up. He sighed, covering his eyes with the back of his wrist. He couldn’t wait for everything to return to normal.

Luckily for him, normalcy returned in the form of the usual sarcastic remarks from his oh so diligent secretary upon her return. Work ran as smoothly as before, save for the constant pain that would rush over his chest or his arm whenever he made a sudden wrong move. He refused to take the prescribed pain meds, unable to work with the constant haze that came along with the relief. 

Izaya had planned to remove the cast early but grudgingly kept it on for the recommended full week when his shoulder screamed in protest after he had tried to type with his injured arm. The last thing he needed was for his dominant hand to permanently lose any function. After all, he wouldn’t be able to spar with Shizu-chan again.

The thought of the other made him restless. He had promised the bodyguard that he would call a truce until he recovered, but he hadn’t expected the lack of the other’s presence to be this stifling.

It irked him to no end, realizing that this was actually affecting him this much, not to mention the beast had actually gone and saved him. If anything, it was the perfect revenge on Shizuo’s part, stealing so many of his thoughts away from his beloved humans. 

The next week or so passed by uneventfully as he ran his usual operations from Shinjuku, a little suspicious that Shiki had gone out of his way to give him jobs that didn’t require face to face interaction. He did appreciate the gesture, but the restlessness ate away at him.

His secretary’s constant bickering also did nothing to help.

.

“I really don’t need a chaperone,” Izaya whined as Akabayashi opened the car door for him. His insistence for some action finally paid off when Shiki assigned a field job, but he had not accounted for the presence of a bodyguard.

“Shiki’s orders until you regain use of that arm,” the man chortled. “If you hadn’t put up such a big fight, you could have gotten someone you could have outrun instead of me.”

“Stop rubbing it in,” he groaned.

Akabayashi laughed as the two of them entered the building. The other paused briefly at the entrance, eyes focusing on the streets for a moment before following Izaya inside. The gesture did not go unnoticed by the informant.

The negotiation itself was relatively painless, and the two of them found themselves outside again just a mere half an hour later. Izaya watched Akabayashi scan the streets from the corner of his eye, but the man’s efforts proved fruitless.

“Is this what was bothering you?” Izaya asked the other, suspecting that his recovery was not the only reason Shiki insisted on a bodyguard. “I thought you looked rather aloof during the meeting.”

“Nothing to worry about,” Akabayashi reassured him as the yakuza ushered Izaya back into the car. He supposed Shiki would be keeping a watch on him for the time being, surprised that they had not caught Ishikawa yet. The other had not been particularly hard to find the first time around, but then again the man did catch him, the best informant in all of Ikebukuro, off guard during their first meeting.

.

“Don’t go out until I say it’s safe,” the text from Shiki read. 

Izaya would have hurled his phone out the window if his arm would let him. Between being stuck between Akabayashi and Namie ate away at his patience, and by no means did he count them as normal human interactions. He had almost considered calling Shinra over just to break up the monotony, but the other would only add to his list of growing irritations.

With that mindset, the informant slipped on his jacket and headed out, making sure that he wasn’t being followed as he hopped onto the train.

Izaya began to regret his decision as he made his way through Ikebukuro, the new winter chill relentlessly beating on his face and fingers. His chest still throbbed from time to time, but it was nothing compared to when he was first discharged, and he could make it up the stairs in relatively one piece now. He had also finally managed to take his right arm out of the sling, but he wasn’t sure how fast he could whip out a switchblade if someone like Shizuo decided to attack him.

He sighed, supposing that it was a good idea after all to have declared a truce with the other earlier, as much as every fiber of his being told him otherwise. Yet, the city felt empty without the monster seeking him out.

He was alone, even with all of the people around him.

He slowed his steps among the crowd in Sunshine 60, the thought softly drowning out the bustle around him.

“How ridiculous,” he muttered to himself, not expecting to actually miss the monster. He found himself amending that statement as well. He had acknowledged Shizuo as just another human. He had caused this himself.

Meanwhile, Shizuo watched as Izaya suddenly stopped in the middle of the road, half wondering if he should call out to the flea or chase the other down. Izaya didn’t seem to be doing anything too shady at the moment, although the sudden pause was a little suspicious. He wondered if he should beat up the flea anyway just to keep the other out of Ikebukuro. 

One look at the informant’s expression softened him slightly. Izaya looked like a lost child standing amongst the sea of people moving around him. He almost wondered if the other was waiting for him to appear, which was usually what happened.

After a while, Izaya finally turned to leave, and Shizuo began to head the other way when he noticed someone else also separate from the crowd.

_‘What was that?’_

Izaya sighed, deciding to head back for the day. He suddenly felt drained and even worse than when he was holed up in his apartment. 

“This is stupid,” he muttered to himself, disappointed that Shizuo’s lack of presence had such a profound effect on him. He didn’t want to go out of his way to break the truce so early either, not after Shizuo had saved him like that. The thought still made his stomach clench uncomfortably. After everything he had done, there was no reason for Shizuo to have picked him off that dirty alley floor.

He never wanted to get attached ever again, not after what happened with Nakamura.

Actually, no one should ever associate themselves with him. 

They’ll just end up dead.

He had thought Shizuo was different, but if that monster was capable of compassion, then he was no different from the others.

_Predictable. Vulnerable._

_Human._

He suddenly noticed a movement at the corner of his eye and felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

_‘Is someone following me?’_

He walked a little faster, hoping that he was wrong, but the presence was definitely there now that he had noticed it. 

Izaya considered his options as he approached the end of Sunshine 60. He could lure the stalker to an alley, but he was unsure if he would be able to protect himself with his arm still in this state. He could call Shiki or Akabayashi, but then they would have known that he had left his apartment, and he didn’t know if he could stand their complaining. If he headed home, then the stalker would find out where he lived.

Izaya nearly cursed out loud, his heart dropping as he realized there was really no one he could rely on. Perhaps he could ask Celty, but he had imposed on Shinra enough after getting shot. 

He took a step onto the road when a hand slid into his, casually walking him into the night crowd. 

“S-Shizu-chan!” he gasped when he looked up, prompting the other to hold a finger up to his mouth. The touch nearly made him stop in his tracks, but he sauntered on, trying to control his breathing as they moved through the hoards of people. “Let’s lose them,” Shizuo muttered as they turned a corner back into the bustling crowd.

The two of them circled the streets for a while, and Izaya found himself thanking the stars that there were so many people out tonight. No one seemed to be paying the two of them any mind, or perhaps they merely chose not to look. It also helped that the cold weather had caused even the fortissimo of Ikebukuro to wear a heavy jacket on top of his usual bartender clothes. 

He finally found himself sitting across from Shizuo at a quiet cafe the two of them had ducked into, the ridiculousness of it only growing by the minute.

“Man, that stalker’s freaking persistent!” Shizuo growled as they waited for their drinks, and Izaya could only watch on, still in blatant confusion.

“Why did you help me?” he asked quietly.

“I’d rather not clean you off the floor again like last time, that’s all,” the other growled. “What are you doing in Ikebukuro anyway?”

“I offered you a truce, Shizu-chan. That didn’t mean I wasn’t going to come to Ikebukuro.”

“Should’ve known,” the other muttered.

Their drinks arrived along with a slice of cake that Shizuo had ordered, a rather generous serving with strawberries and fresh cream. Izaya noted the other man’s food choices as he picked up his own cup of latte with his left hand.

“Why’d you come here anyway? Your arm isn’t fully healed yet, right?”

Izaya blinked him, not expecting the protozoan to make that observation. 

“Uh, your hand was shaking a little earlier, that’s why.”

“Don’t you think the reason was that you were just gripping my uninjured hand a little too hard?” Izaya asked, wondering when the other would notice.

“Sorry about that,”Shizuo muttered before freezing. Izaya watched as the red slowly made its way up to his ears when the man realized that he had just walked all around Sunshine 60 hand in hand with his greatest enemy in the world.

“I-I was trying to deter the stalker without causing a scene. That’s all.”

“So you held my hand.”

“Let it go, flea.”

Izaya chuckled, amused. “Well, I guess owe you again, Shizu-chan.” He paused for a moment. “I suppose your second request would be for me to stay out of Ikebukuro.”

Shizuo groaned, a little torn by the enticing offer. “Just, stay out of trouble,” he settled for that.

“I’ll try my best,” he replied solemnly.


	4. Chapter 4

Shizuo leaned idly against one of the park railings as he waited for Tom to grab a cup of coffee from the usual shop. He exhaled slowly, watching the steam rise from his breath on this cold winter morning. The relatively quiet streets during this time of day were a stark contrast from the usual flurry of people, the crowds of shoppers and tourists replaced with a small but steady stream of salarymen walking to the station. 

A lone figure broke out from the masses towards him, and Shizuo inwardly sighed, slightly irritated by the impending intrusion to his morning ritual. It didn’t help that he knew that he couldn’t punch his way out of an argument with this one.

“So we meet again, Heiwajima-san,” Shiki greeted him as if it were a coincidence. 

Shizuo nodded in response, wondering what the other wanted with him. He had an inkling that it had something to do with Izaya since the damned flea just couldn’t stay out of Ikebukuro. Shizuo scanned the area for any signs of other yakuza thugs, but Shiki seemed to be alone save for his driver waiting to the side.

“I see that you’re giving Orihara-san some time to recover before chasing him again, so I must thank you for that.”

“He’s the one who suggested it, not me,” Shizuo replied. 

“Regardless, it’s much appreciated.” 

“Sure.” He paused, suddenly remembering the potential stalker he had spotted the other night. He had assumed that the man was just one of Izaya’s many enemies, but Shiki’s appearance reminded him of the other more obvious culprit. “The guy who shot him- you haven’t found him yet, huh?”

Shiki’s eyes flashed dangerously. “I will not let Izaya anywhere near that man, not until I find him and put a bullet between his eyes.” He lowered his voice at the last moment to control his anger. “Izaya is not to pursue him.”

“Someone was following Izaya a few days ago,” Shizuo decided to tell him. Truthfully, he’d rather not get mixed up with such affairs, but he told himself that it was just for the sake of keeping Izaya alive until the flea was healthy enough for him to chase around.

That was all.

“So, I was unfortunately correct in my assumptions that he had remained in Ikebukuro.” Shiki seemed troubled by this revelation, the lines on the man’s forehead wrinkling as if in deep thought.

“He has a gun on him doesn’t he?”

Dark eyes turned back to his. “That is correct. Are you concerned?”

“Tch, not for me.”

He detected a hint of a smile on the yakuza’s face. “Well, we have been keeping an eye on those around Izaya for the time being. I’ve sent one of our own with him whenever he required any in person jobs. I did tell him not to leave his apartment without an escort, but he has been able to sneak out more often lately it seems, given that he ran into you the other day.”

Shizuo processed all of this carefully, surprised that someone in the yakuza would spend so much effort on the informant. He supposed Izaya could prove to be a valuable resource in the underworld, but he had always assumed that they disposed of anyone that showed any weakness.

“Does he know that you’re protecting him like this?” he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say he considers it that way.”

Shizuo frowned, not satisfied by that answer. It certainly didn’t explain why the other would actively seek him out to talk about Izaya like this.

“Do you like him or something? You’re going quite out of your way,” he blurted without thinking.

Shiki smiled wryly. “Are you confusing your emotions with mine?”

“Don’t even go there!” Shizuo retorted, caught off guard by his question backfiring on him.

To his discomfort, Shiki seemed to be contemplating his response carefully. “Honestly, if you can break Izaya out of his shell, then I have no problems with the two of you being together.”

“I thought yakuza are more territorial than that.”

He shrugged. “You’ll see soon enough. He does not let people in easily. That being said, I have a proposition for you, Heiwajima-san.”

.

_“How could you betray me? I thought you were my friend!”_

_The hands around his neck tightened, and he gasped for air, pulling helplessly at the other. He needed to explain himself to Nakamura, but the other was beyond reasoning, the fury in the man’s eyes inconsolable as his own vision began to darken from the lack of oxygen._

_“I-I…” he gasped, but the other would not listen._

_“Shiki put you up to it didn’t he?”_

_“N-No! Listen, Naka…”_

_“You must have already slept with him, you filthy...”_

_Nakamura suddenly stopped, and the hands around his neck loosened. Izaya took a much needed breath, wheezing heavily as his attacker’s face came in and out of focus. It was then he realized that there were tears in his eyes, and by Nakumura’s expression, the sight must have shocked the other into stopping._

_“Hey, we don’t have to kill him you know,” Izaya could hear one of Nakamura’s accomplices say from the side. “If you really want to get back at him, I’m sure a kid like him could fetch a high price with a pretty face like that.”_

_Nakamura turned back to him, the anger still apparent on the man’s face. The sight nearly froze him, and Izaya struggled to maintain his composure despite knowing just exactly what was going through the other man’s head._

_“Nakamura,” he finally managed to gasp out the words, “I just wanted…”_

_It was then the door to the room suddenly slammed open, and he heard a loud bang over him. Something warm and sticky splattered over his face, and Nakamura froze above him._

_Time stood still for a second as he stared at his friend, the man’s eyes wide with shock before they rolled back into his head._

_A heavy weight collapsed on top of him, and he could not breath._

_He could not breathe._

_“I just wanted…”_

_He could not..._

A pounding in his ears woke him, and Izaya bolted upwards, frantically trying to recall where he was for a moment before he recognized the furnishings of his own room. The clock read 8:15 AM, and the loud noise only continued before he realized that they were not coming from the alarm. He had slept straight through it. 

“Shit, Akabayashi!” 

Izaya jumped out of the bed when the pounding only became louder and nearly flew down the stairs. The landing made him flinch, and he stumbled to the door in the hopes that all the ruckus hadn’t attracted any attention from the others in the apartment building. He finally threw the door open, grasping his chest as he tried to catch his breath in between the pulsating pain.

The remnants of the dream still echoed in his mind, his thoughts in disarray as he tried to cement himself back into reality.

“Sorry, I overslept. Stop trying to break down my door!” he huffed only to be met by a rather familiar face in a bartender suit and not his usual bodyguard. Izaya stared at the other for a long moment. “It’s not Akabayashi today?” he asked meekly, wondering if this was how he was going to die.

“Supposedly, you keep trying to run away from him, so now I have to watch your sorry ass,” Shizuo growled, eyes studying him. “Do you usually greet people in your pajamas, flea?”

“Ack!” Izaya gasped, realizing that he hadn’t even changed when he ran down the stairs. The pounding had been so loud that he was thankful the brute had contained himself enough to not break down his door. “A-Anyways, I just woke up, so give me a moment.” He thought for a second before stepping aside to let Shizuo in. “Just sit anywhere for now. I’ll be quick.” He’d rather the bodyguard not be standing outside on his own. The pounding must have attracted enough attention already.

He pushed the dream to the back of his mind, steeling himself to deal with Shizuo. Of all the things Shiki had done over the years, this one had definitely caught him by surprise. He would have never expected the man to ask Shizuo of all people to be his personal bodyguard. Izaya supposed that the yakuza executive had wanted him dead after all, making a decision like this.

He turned to the accursed stairs only for a sudden pain to shoot through his chest, a final blow to his already ruined morning. The unbearable ache sent him to the ground, and for a second he wished that he would just drop dead on the spot.

“Hey!” A hand around his good arm stopped his descent, steadying him. “Sheesh, take it easy!”

He trembled at the warmth, the sudden urge to run crawling back from that night. Izaya pushed that thought to the back of his mind as well, trying to remember how he’d usually be acting in response.

“I would have taken my time if you weren’t pounding on the door so hard,” Izaya retorted, but he allowed the other to guide him to the sofa regardless. He clenched his eyes shut, taking deep breaths as he waited for the pain to subside. Shizuo sat beside him, mouth pursed. 

“Should I call Shinra?”

Izaya shook his head, letting out a shaky breath as the pain dulled to a slight ache. “I’m fine. D-Do you want something to drink?” he dodged any further questions as he stood up shakily and headed to the kitchen, feeling as if the other were staring holes through his head before he ducked behind the corner. He grabbed a bottle of tea from the fridge, keeping himself from holding the object to his stomach to calm the fire as he came back out to the living room.

“Here,” he thrusted the bottle at Shizuo. “I’ll buy you some coffee later; it’ll take too long to brew right now.”

Shizuo blinked at the bottle like it was a foreign object. “Relax, Shizu-chan. As enticing as it is, I’m not going to poison my own bodyguard on his first day.”

“You didn’t have to make me anything, Izaya,” Shizuo muttered as he accepted the bottle.

“It would’ve been rude,” Izaya stammered, suddenly self conscious. True, he didn’t know what he was thinking.

He gingerly made his way up the stairs to the room, huffing as he finally closed the door behind him, his mind running in circles as he headed for the bathroom. He knew Shiki was up to something, meeting with Shizuo like that behind his back.

Izaya sighed as the cold water ran down his face in the bathroom, finally calming down enough to peel off his shirt to double check on the bandages. Thankfully he didn’t spot any blood. He took some deep breaths, willing the pain to go away before finally giving and popping in a few tablets of ibuprofen.

He supposed it could be worse. If anything, he could continue to study the other man’s actions up close to see if he was truly a human. 

He suddenly thought of Nakamura, the accusing eyes staring into his one last moment before rolling back. Izaya shuddered, keeping himself from sinking to the floor.

It’ll be okay, he told himself. 

Shizuo was just his bodyguard that he could not outrun, someone Shiki had hired because of those abilities. There was nothing more to it.

“You okay?” he heard from outside.

“A-Almost done!” he called out.

This was not going to help expedite his recovery in any way.

.

Shizuo kept an eye on the informant from the corner of the room, arms crossed as he attempted to distract himself from all the strangeness that had happened the moment he accepted Shiki’s offer to be Izaya’s temporary bodyguard. He had tried to convince himself that the gig paid well, and if it all goes according to plan, Izaya would be up and about in no time and ready for him to finish off. What he didn’t expect was to encounter a half-asleep, frazzled man in his pajamas first thing in the morning. 

Izaya’s injuries were obviously still healing, and he swore that he saw tears in the corners of the informant’s eyes when the other answered the door. The entire situation caught him off guard, and he had no idea how to act. 

Shizuo gritted his teeth. He told himself that he just needed to act like a proper bodyguard as he shifted his focus back to Izaya and the client talking from the sofa.

Nothing about this was normal.

“See, that was painless wasn’t it!” Izaya declared as the two of them made their way back to the main street.

“That was shady as hell,” Shizuo grumbled, unsure of what he had just heard after he managed to focus on his surroundings as a distraction from his own thoughts. He swore the two were talking about some group’s illegal drug dealings.

“It’s my job, Shizu-chan,” Izaya’s words distracted him from his reverie before something else caught the informant’s attention. “Wait here, Shizu-chan. I’ll be right back!”

“W-Wait! Oi!” he called after the informant, but Izaya had already disappeared into the coffee shop. He grumbled as he leaned against the railing, lighting a cigarette to calm his surprisingly tame nerves. He supposed that he should be satisfied that walking that did not involve stairs was a breeze for the flea, unless the other was hiding the discomfort from him.

Shizuo paused, remembering that Izaya did gripe somewhat about his refusal to take a taxi to the aforementioned location. A small tinge of guilt ate away at him as he tried to brush the thought away. If the flea could make it up his own stairs, then a little walking would expedite his recovery.

Still, it was quite strange how frazzled Izaya had seemed this morning. He had refrained from commenting on how hard the other had tried to act normal after letting him into the apartment and even gone so far as to offer him a bottle of tea. It was as if the flea had no idea how to act him around him anymore. 

Even worse, Shizuo realized that he was almost enjoying this side of the informant. He could feel a slight heat run through his face and shook his head to cool it off.

“Here!” Shizuo nearly started before blinking at the cup of coffee that had materialized in front of his face in the middle of all his thinking.

He took the cup carefully, scanning the other for any signs of treachery. Izaya was holding a cup of his own, seemingly beaming at his accomplishment for braving the morning rush for caffeine at the shop.

“As thanks for not breaking down my door this morning!”

Shizuo chose to ignore that statement as he took a small sip from the cup. He immediately stopped when he noticed that Izaya was looking away, wondering just what the flea had slipped into the cup.

“What…” he began to say, but Izaya continued.

“And thank you for catching me earlier. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Ah, um, sure.” Shizuo cleared his throat to hide his embarrassment, taking a sip of coffee to distract himself from focusing on the long lashes on the informant’s downcast eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

“Shizuo? What a surprise!” Shinra opened his front door midafternoon to none other than a fuming bodyguard. He stepped aside quickly to let his friend in, swearing that he could hear the latter grinding his teeth as Shizuo stomped past him into the apartment.

“You seem to be in a foul mood,” he commented jovially, closing the door behind him before following the other to the living room. It took another moment before he noticed a splotch of red on the bodyguard’s arm, the blood still slowly spreading through Shizuo’s shirt like the petals of a flower. “Wah, that looks potentially bad! Tell me before you bleed all over my furniture, Shizuo!” he exclaimed before turning around to grab the first aid kit from one of the cupboards.

“One of the debtors had a knife. It’s just a scratch,” Shizuo replied, removing his vest and shirt to expose the wound. To the doctor’s relief, the other did take some care not to stain his sofa, but the cut was by no means a shallow one.

Shinra grimaced as he wiped away some of the mess. “Well ‘just a scratch’ might need stitches. This is the second time this week! Did you get another job or something?”

“Just some extra work,” Shizuo grumbled, purposely not meeting his eyes.

“Nothing too dangerous, right?” Shinra prodded as he started prepping the area with an antiseptic. He continued when the other did not answer. “As your doctor, I would like to be prepared for any possible…”

“It was a request from Shiki.”

Shinra nearly dropped the bottle of antiseptic. “I thought you didn’t like dealing with the underground.”

“It’s just a temporary job, and it’s not for one of their own.” Shizuo thought about his words for a moment. “At least that’s what Shiki said.” 

“Oh, you mean that girl?” Shinra asked, thinking of Akane. She was rather fond of Shizuo after all.

“She’s related to them?”

“Ah, forget what I said.” Shinra bit his lip. “Then…” A thought struck him as he pretended to let the subject drop. “Nevermind! It’s none of my business anyway!” he laughed lightheartedly. Shinra snaked the needle into the wound gently, humming as he worked. If it wasn’t Akane, then there was only one other person he could think of that was not “directly” under the Awakusu-kai but close enough to both Shiki and Shizuo, one who was still currently recovering and might actually benefit from a bodyguard.

“So, how are things with you and Izaya?” he dared to test the waters.

The reaction was instantaneous, defensive. “Why are you asking about it like that?” Shizuo growled.

Shinra laughed, knowing that his intuition had been correct. “Oh, come on! Anyone would suspect something’s off. You two haven’t fought for a few weeks now.”

“I’m just waiting for him to recover.”

Shinra tied the knot carefully before reaching for the scissors. “Word on the street is that someone saw you two in a cafe.” He could feel the other tense under him.

“Someone was following him that day. A-and he needs to build up his strength. The damned flea’s all skin and bones.”

“He sure is,” Shinra agreed, cleaning the cut carefully before pulling out some bandages. He wondered if Shizuo realized that he wouldn’t let that obvious dodge to his question go. “You know, you have been coming to me a little more often than usual. Did Shiki ask you to guard a certain informant who’s currently in recovery?” 

Shizuo looked away, muttering something along the lines of, “It was good money.”

Shinra admired his handiwork, quite satisfied with both the treatment and the information he had dug up. He decided to try his luck and continued his interrogation. If anything, it would lessen his workload in the future if the two were going to start getting along. “Well, once he recovers, you can go back to using him as an outlet for your frustrations.” He looked up when Shizuo didn’t agree with him right away. “Or, maybe you don’t want to?” 

Shizuo let out a long frustrated sigh. “I can’t read the flea at all. One moment he’ll be annoying as usual and then he’s not. It’s like he can’t decide how to act around me when we’re not fighting.”

Shinra smiled. “Izaya’s heart is actually very fragile,” he told the bodyguard. “If you fill it with even a little kindness then he might break.”

“I’m by no means…”

“You saved him though. If anything, I’d say he’s still having trouble understanding how to respond to that.”

Shizuo frowned, mulling over the words as he slipped his bloodstained shirt back on.

“He’s friends with you,” the bodyguard finally stated, as if the fact alone could explain Izaya’s strange behavior.

The doctor smiled. “That’s because he thinks that I’m incapable of loving humans. I mean, he’s correct, but I can still form meaningful relationships.”

“Don’t you still worry about him and stuff?”

“Of course I do! But the moment he acknowledges it, he gets very defensive.” He wiped the scissors with some alcohol to disinfect it before holding it up to examine the reflection of the ceiling light on the clean metal. “I think that Izaya’s much more human than any one of us, Shizuo. And a big coward. He longs for human contact, but he’s too afraid to seek it. I sometimes wonder if something had happened in the past that made him so afraid of the humans he claims to love so much.”

“Is that so?”

Shinra observed the other’s pondering form through the corner of his eye, satisfied with the results of the discussion.

.

Akabayashi entered the office rather dramatically, throwing himself on the couch before letting out a rather drawn-out sigh as he took out a pack of cigarettes. His theatrics did not seem to faze Shiki, however, as the other merely continued working on whatever he was doing on his computer while Akabayashi lit the cancer stick and took a deep drag.

“This Ishikawa guy is super hard to track!” Akabayashi finally commented, feeling the nicotine slowly kicking in. He had been searching the entire week for the man, his job made extra complicated by the replacement of Shizuo as the informant’s bodyguard. Trailing the two strongest men in Ikebukuro without being seen in an attempt to find a stalker was definitely not what he signed up for when he took on this job. Shiki seemed to echo a similar sentiment as the other Awakusu-kai executive finally stopped typing and pushed the laptop away before massaging his temple.

“He should slip up eventually at the rate we’re going, but he hasn’t. We also still don’t know the name of the organization that he gave our information to.”

“How’s he related to us anyway? He made off with quite a lot, didn’t he?” Akabayashi inquired. Forget the man’s strange obsession with an informant that wasn’t even officially part of the Awakusu-kai, the fact that someone would so willingly betray them is strange enough by itself.

“One of my men picked him off the streets.”

“Kodo?” 

Shiki scowled. “Kodo’s always been too trusting of others.”

“You’ve kept him all these years though.”

“He’s loyal.” Shiki picked up a pile of papers that had been sitting on his desk, thumbing through the documents. “What I don’t understand is why Ishikawa would be so interested in Orihara. They’ve barely even interacted.”

“Kodo’s known Izaya for quite a while. Maybe he said a few things he shouldn’t have to Ishikawa.”

Shiki bit his lip. If he remembered correctly, he did bring Kodo along during their raid on Nakamura’s hideout all those years ago. It was highly possible that he was not the only one who misunderstood the situation. The thought itself irritated him to no end. 

If _that_ was the reason that Ishikawa had taken such a strange interest in _his_ informant, then he definitely wanted to finish this as quickly as possible before things got messy. 

.

“What are you doing in Ikebukuro?” Shizuo growled, checking the date on his phone again. He confirmed that he didn’t have bodyguard duty today, so the damned flea should be at home in Shinjuku, not frolicking around outside in none other than Ikebukuro of all places. Izaya had obviously forgotten just why he needed a bodyguard to begin with.

“Staying out of trouble,” the informant answered jovially, reaching into his pocket. 

Shizuo tensed, about to unearth the sign next to him only to pause when Izaya took out a folded piece of paper. The flea opened it up to reveal a flyer for a new barbeque joint that had recently opened up, waving it much too excitedly in front of his nose.

“Let’s go eat here! My treat!”

Shizuo looked back and forth from the flyer to the flea, wondering what the informant’s game was. He was used to the random thugs that Izaya used to trick into going after him, but this was on a whole other level. Perhaps the flea had finally gotten tired of their truce and found a way to poison him instead.

“No tricks, I promise,” Izaya continued, seeming to read his mind. “You’re off today, right?”

Shizuo could only blink at him, still too surprised at the strangeness of the request. His own stomach growled at that moment, betraying him. 

“Fine,” he growled, supposing that he wouldn’t mind a free meal at the expense of the other. If Izaya tried any funny business, then he’d just throw the grill at him. “You know you’re supposed to only go out with a bodyguard, right?”

“It’s fine. I have Shizu-chan,” Izaya replied, much too excited for a meal with his greatest enemy.

Twenty minutes later, the two of them sat across from each other in the busy shop, the fragrant smell of beef and pork permeating the air. Shizuo admitted the meat was good; he couldn't remember the last time he had splurged on such a meal. The company, however, was still quite unnerving. He found himself watching the beef sizzle between them in an awkward silence.

“Looks like this batch is done,” Izaya broke the silence, reaching over to serve them with the tongs when his hand shook slightly again. Shizuo had noticed earlier but had been trying to ignore it. He finally gave in when one of the slices slipped out back onto the grill.

“Here.” He instead grabbed the tongs from the other this time around, ignoring the other man’s surprise as he picked up the meat onto Izaya and his plate. “Your arm still hurts, right?”

“A little,” Izaya admitted, looking away. He could see a slight red that made its way across the tips of the informant’s ears and had a sudden urge to touch them to see if they were warm.

Shizuo shook the thought away. “S-so what made you crave barbecue?” he asked.

“Well I usually go on my own, and since Shizu-chan and I are in a truce right now, I figured it was an opportune time to take advantage of it and invite you. Eating with a protozoan is better than eating alone.”

Shizuo looked at the other, knowing that he should be angry at the usual protozoan comment, but too surprised at what the flea had just admitted to. Izaya seemed to have not noticed the implications of what he had just said.

“Are you lonely?” he finally asked, curiosity getting the better of him. He watched as the realization slowly made its way throughout the informant’s face, the redness now spreading across the other’s cheeks in a flush of embarrassment. 

“That’s not something people would normally say to one’s face.”

Shizuo shrugged nonchalantly, quite pleased with the reaction he was able to elicit out of the flea. “Well you’ve never considered me normal anyway.”

“Yes, you’re an enigma. Completely unpredictable,” Izaya agreed, trying to regain some ground over the conversation.

Their light banter continued throughout the meal, almost jovially if Shizuo was to call the atmosphere. It was strange for the flea to not actively try to provoke him, or perhaps he just found amusement turning the tables on the other like earlier. He could see how Izaya would revel in this kind of interaction from others.

“That was actually quite enjoyable,” Izaya admitted afterwards outside the restaurant.

Shizuo found his full stomach flipping strangely at that declaration from the other. “We can go again, if you want,” he offered before he could stop himself. 

The corners of the informant’s lips turned up. “To keep me out of trouble?”

“Y-yeah!” Shizuo went with that excuse. If eating with the flea was all it took, then he could get used to this.


	6. Chapter 6

Izaya stretched his arm out experimentally, finding the ache mercifully dulled to a slight annoyance in contrast to the sharp pain that would tear through his deltoid during the first few weeks of his injury. If anything, he predicted that he could hold his own in a fight with some street thugs now, although battle with Shizuo was still a ways to go. Just the other day, his attempt at stealing one of his bodyguard’s yakitori failed miserably when the other instantly noticed and engulfed the rest of the meat off the skewer.

He huffed at the memory as he brushed his teeth. Izaya had sworn that he had been stealthy enough to avoid detection, but the monster was just too fast. Even worse, his failure only seemed to amuse the protozoan instead of annoy the man. He spat the remaining toothpaste into the sink, Shizuo’s satisfied smirk flashing through his mind’s eye as he rinsed his mouth.

“I’ll get him next time,” Izaya muttered, going through the endless list of restaurants in his head before he paused at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. 

He prodded his own cheek curiously, unfamiliar with the small smile that had made its way even up to his eyes. Izaya supposed that he really did look forward to their little outings, and the other had even grudgingly accepted every single one of his invitations the last few weeks. He sighed, watching the small happiness dissipate from his face as he tried to rationalize the entire situation back to reality.

He knew that Shizuo’s tenure as his bodyguard was only until he was fully healed. Their strange truce would come to an end once they went their separate ways, and things would return to the way they were before his injury. 

Izaya could finally go back to provoking the protozoan and flying down the streets of Ikebukuro when the man chased him, could finally once again revel in the adrenaline that flowed through him in their game of cat and mouse. His chest clenched slightly at the thought that he’d probably have to go back to trying out restaurants alone, but that was just how the natural order of things were he told himself. 

He pulled away from the mirror, dissatisfied with that conclusion as he splashed some water on his face to wipe away the disgusting sentimentalities from it. He had promised to never put himself in such a situation again, not after what happened to Nakamura. 

Things would go back to what they should be after he recovered, and that was that.

Izaya steeled his resolve as he and Shizuo headed to the meeting location and pushed the discomfort to the back of his mind as he slowly whittled away at his current target’s defenses. He had already told Shiki that this man likely had little connections to the rival group they were investigating and was merely a layperson tricked into running the bar as a front for their hideout at best. He had much rather be cutting the other a deal rather than trying to squeeze out information the man obviously did not have. The other’s nervousness only supported his suspicions, the man likely knew that he had been deceived into covering for some shady underground business but chose to ignore it, hoping for it to go away.

He supposed it was just like how he was pretending that this current arrangement with Shizuo was just a temporary phase, that everything would return to their usual once it was over. The target procured a flash of silver from somewhere in his jacket, returning his thoughts back to the present situation at hand. Izaya inwardly cursed at his momentary lapse in judgement. He should have already ended the investigation before it got to this. 

“Now that’s not how we like to do business, I’m afraid,” Izaya warned the man, calmly staring down the barrel of the gun. He made a mental note to himself to let Shiki know that the rival organizations may or may not be handing out weapons a tad too liberally. The handle of his switchblade was already at his wrist, ready to deploy at the slightest hint that the target was going to fire, but he could tell that the man’s initiative was already weak to begin with, so he wasn’t too worried.

The problem remained with violence incarnate standing behind him in a position he couldn’t observe. He had no idea how Shizuo was going to react, but throwing some furniture would probably result in one of them being shot.

“T-They told me it was their territory, that it was okay to set up shop!”

“They lied to you. You were just a convenient tool for them to use and dispose of once the Awakusu-kai became aware of their operations in your bar.”

“What do I do then?” The man suddenly shifted the gun to Shizuo. “You’re not letting me go aren’t you? That’s why you brought that monster here with you!”

“He’s just my temporary bodyguard,” Izaya attempted to keep his tone steady although he could feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. He needed to get the man’s attention back on him, deciding on going back to the original plan. Shiki can thank him later. “Look, the Awakusu-kai sent me here to cut you a deal. I’m here to offer you a way out.”

“Don’t lie to me!” The gun shifted back to him, for better or worse. “You’re using me as well, aren’t you?”

“I’m just an information broker,” Izaya explained. “There’s really nothing I need from you.” Which was true. He could care less about what happened with this small group, but Shiki insisted on snuffing them out before they became too prominent in Ikebukuro.

“Liar!” the man shouted, and Izaya proceeded to continue trying to convince the other when the gun in front of him was suddenly replaced with an overturned table. A loud bang echoed through the room, freezing him in his tracks.

“Fuck, he was really going to fire!” Shizuo hissed as he kicked the gun away from the unconscious man. 

Izaya shakily turned to him, the echo of the shot still fresh in his head as he slowly looked the other over to find no blood. 

“It hit the wall over there,” Shizuo told him, motioning to the side with a flick of his head.

Izaya cleared his throat, trying to collect himself. “T-That was unnecessary,” he managed.

“He was going to fire at you, dumbass!” 

Izaya chose not to argue and instead took out his cellphone with a trembling hand to contact Shiki for a crew to take the unfortunate man away. A quick response from the other assured him that the men were on the way, and Izaya breathed in again, finding the action getting increasingly difficult as the room seemed to close in on him.

“Izaya?” 

Even Shizuo seemed to have caught on that something was wrong. He felt sick to his stomach, and a deafening ringing started to permeate his senses as he struggled to cement his thoughts back to reality. 

“Let’s go outside,” he heard through the haze.

A strong arm wrapped around his, and he allowed the other to guide him out of the room to the much too bright outdoors to wait for the Awakusu-kai. Izaya leaned against one of the metal railings, eyes closed in an attempt to clear his spinning vision. He vaguely noticed when Shiki arrived with the cleanup crew and watched from the corner of his eye as Shizuo gave a brief report to the executive, handing the other the gun Izaya had forgotten to take with him. 

“Good job.” Izaya looked up to the Awakusu-kai executive. 

“Sorry, I was trying to give him to you in one piece.”

“It’s good enough. You managed to track him down and prove that he wasn’t directly connected with the group. He should be easy to persuade into helping us.”

“They’ll probably abandon that bar.”

“Not if he pretends that he hasn’t made contact with us. Sorry, I should have trusted your instincts and went with that plan from the beginning.”

“It’s fine,” he replied. He could feel Shiki’s eyes boring down on him.

“Get some rest. You don’t look well.”

.

“I guess you’re off for the rest of the day,” Izaya told him as the car pulled up to the curb. “Sorry, Shizu-chan, Shiki’s orders.”

“Just shut and get some rest.” Shizuo noticed the other’s pallor still persisting ever since he had dragged the informant out of the building. “Are you going to be okay?” He had not expected Izaya to freeze up like that after the man shot at them.

The informant nodded meekly before climbing into the car. “Oh, and thanks for earlier, for throwing that table.”

“Not going to scold me for going overboard?” he tried to lighten the mood, uneasy with how tame the other was acting.

This seemed to ignite some of the fire back in Izaya. “Well, honestly he wouldn’t have shot if you didn’t move.” Shizuo flinched, but Izaya continued. “But, it all turned out okay in the end, and you didn’t get yourself shot. Either way, the job’s finished. No one’s dead.”

Shizuo smiled despite himself. “Fair enough.”

Shizuo watched as the black car drove away, crossing his arms in contemplation as he felt himself suddenly craving for some nicotine. He pushed the thought to the back of his mind for a moment when he noticed Shiki walking towards him.

“Good job today,” the yakuza told him. “As much as I trust Izaya in reading people, you never know when there’s a gun involved.”

Shizuo frowned, wondering if that was all. “Why did Izaya react like that?”

“He was just shot. He’s probably still recovering from the shock.”

“I don’t know…” The yakuza’s smirk only raised his suspicions. Shizuo grimaced, wondering if his instinct was right. “There’s something else, isn’t there? You know, don’t you?”

Shiki pulled out a cigarette box and offered him one, which he took grudgingly. “Of course I know, but why are you curious? Are you worried about your charge after all, Mr. Bodyguard?” the yakuza asked, lighting his own cancer stick.

“Tch, there’s no way,” Shizuo growled as he pulled out his own lighter.

His answer didn’t seem to sway the other as Shiki turned to leave. “I’ll tell you if the time ever comes. Perhaps a little longer.”

“What do you-” Shizuo began to ask, but the other had already preoccupied himself with the other yakuza as they loaded a rather dazed bartender into one of the cars.

.

Shizuo found himself strolling idly though Ikebukuro, still mulling over how Izaya had texted him earlier that Shiki had cancelled the in person jobs for today. Thankfully, Tom had some leftover collections that he was able to help out with, but now that night had come, he really didn’t feel a strong urge to return home just yet and instead found himself wandering around with only his thoughts to keep him company.

He recalled the way Izaya had gone pale after the gun had gone off. The flea had seemed completely composed and in charge of the negotiation from the beginning, and it wasn’t until the bastard had pulled out the gun that Izaya seemed to panic. Shizuo wracked his brain a little harder. Now that he thought about it, Izaya had control over the situation even after that. He was the one who panicked just because the thug had raised his voice.

However, he did notice that the tone in the informant’s voice had slightly quivered for a moment when the man had pointed the gun at Shizuo.

He frowned at that observation, wondering if it was just self-serving imagination on his part. There was no way Izaya was concerned for him, of all people. The flea had hated him for all these years after all. However, the more he thought about it, the more he was certain of what he saw. He had known Izaya for so long that such a small change in the usual confidence the other always displayed did not go unnoticed. 

Shizuo sighed, wondering just why he was so bothered by it all. He had adamantly refused to acknowledge that he was worried about the damned flea to Shiki, but now that he had a chance to think about it, he really was curious about why Izaya had acted that way. 

And, as irrational as it sounded, he really didn’t want this truce to end. He actually quite enjoyed this new normal, even if it was only temporary. He always knew that the damned flea was buried in layers of masks, as it was Izaya’s nature, but the small glances underneath that he had seen these past weeks only fueled his curiosity and want to see more.

Shizuo had never found himself so interested in another human being, having always been careful to control his inhuman strength and innate ability to destroy anything he touched. Yet, Izaya had stayed in his life even after all these years, even though he had constantly tried to rid himself of the persistent thorn in his side.

A flash of black and gray made him look up to see the very object of his musings standing in front of him, back in Ikebukuro when the idiot should be resting at home.

“Let’s go to a bar today!” Izaya announced. “Consider it a bonus for yesterday.”

The forced cheeriness made him uncomfortable, and he wanted to rip it off of the other’s face to expose the raw emotion underneath. 

The pure primal nature of the desire surprised him.

“Sure.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Should you really be drinking if you’re still recovering?” Shizuo inquired as he watched the informant order a third beer. He was still working on his first umeshu himself, opting to enjoy the large variety of bar food the establishment offered rather than the alcohol. Plates of yakitori and other appetizers lay between them, yet Shizuo was certain the other had barely touched the spread since the waiter had brought them to the table. He grabbed one of the skewers and shoved it in front of Izaya’s face. “Here, eat something before you get yourself drunk. I’m not carrying you home.”

To his horror, the informant’s lips twisted into a mischievous grin before Izaya leaned forward and took a bite of meat from the skewer. “Hm, not bad,” the other commented in the middle of chewing.

“D-Don’t talk with your mouth full! Are you a kid?” Shizuo stammered, suddenly feeling flustered as he flung the half-eaten skewer onto Izaya’s empty plate, restraining himself the last second so that he wouldn’t crack the ceramic in half with the impact.

Izaya cackled in response before picking up the abandoned yakitori with his dominant hand. “I didn’t know you were so averse to feeding me.”

“Aren’t you almost fully healed anyway? You can feed yourself.” He paused, suddenly considering another possibility. “Wait, you’re not supposed to drink alcohol if you’re on pain meds!”

Izaya waved him off. “Relax, Shizu-chan. I’ve only taken them a few times in the beginning.”

“Beginning?” Shizuo suddenly thought of how the informant had nearly passed out right in front of him during that first time he had shown up to Izaya’s apartment as the flea’s bodyguard. He had thought that the effects of the medications had worn off since the flea had obviously just woken up, but to think that Izaya had endured that level of pain through most of their jobs gave him a bad taste in his mouth. “Wasn’t your arm bothering you during some of the jobs? You weren’t taking them then either?” he inquired, hoping for the other to prove him wrong so that the irritating feeling would go away.

The informant shrugged. “I don’t like the side effects. It impairs my ability to think.”

“Maybe you should stop drinking so much then,” Shizuo returned, dissatisfied with the flea’s answer. He paused when he noticed the wide eyes staring back at him and grinned despite himself, deciding that it wasn’t all bad if he could use it to his advantage. “What? I thought you didn’t like feeling impaired?”

Izaya blinked at him for a moment before managing to collect himself. “You really do like teasing me, don’t you, Shizu-chan?”

“I can see why you enjoy it so much. I think I picked a new hobby.”

“Tch, sadist.” Izaya finished the rest of the skewer and reached for the beer again despite Shizuo’s efforts. 

As predicted, the damned flea was drinking much more than he should. Shizuo wasn’t aware the other was able to hold his alcohol this well, but he supposed it just came with the job of being an informant. Izaya did listen to his occasional suggestion to eat some food, and at the end, the two of them found themselves outside in the cold, bellies full and the night still relatively young.

Shizuo glanced over to Izaya, still dissatisfied that he had not managed to get the other drunk enough to divulge any secrets, when he inadvertently noticed the long lashes framing the man’s downcast eyes. He wondered if all that alcohol had finally started to chip away at the informant’s cheery mask, and after a moment’s hesitation, he opened his mouth to suggest that they continued at his apartment when Izaya spoke instead.

“I want to see where Shizu-chan lives! Let’s drink at your place!”

“Don’t invite yourself over!” Shizuo growled reflexively, both annoyed that the other had been the one to suggest it but satisfied that he didn’t have to try. The contradictions in his head regarding the flea only continued to mount, perplexing him to no end. He hesitated for a moment when Izaya spoke again.

“Afraid that you’ll outdrink me?” the damned flea taunted him like a siren song. 

“Oh you’re on!” 

They somehow made it in one piece to Shizuo’s small apartment with several grocery bags full of beer and snacks half an hour later. He honestly didn’t know why the informant wanted to come to his place instead of Shinjuku; they both knew Izaya had the larger and more comfortable apartment. He could see the other gleefully taking in the rather plain 1LDK, likely memorizing its layout for any of the man’s future devious plans. Any other day, he would have been forced to move after Izaya found out where he lived, if not from the flea actually causing a ruckus with the landlord then from Shizuo’s constant worry that the other would send trouble his way. Then again, once the truce was over, he supposed he would have to start apartment hunting again.

Shizuo pushed that thought to the back of his mind, not wanting to break the spell just yet. After all, Shiki hadn’t officially relieved him of his bodyguard gig just yet, and the informant himself had not ended the truce. He watched as Izaya settled on one of the floor cushions against the sofa and made himself comfortable under the kotatsu. The man’s motions were much too tranquil and amiable. He wondered if Izaya had become a better actor than that damned flea already was, or if Shizuo was actually starting to see something more past the man’s usual irritating demeanor.

“Do you have any movies?” Izaya’s voice finally broke him from his reverie.

“Huh?”

“I want to see what kind of entertainment a protozoan would indulge in!”

Shizuo sighed, finding it too troublesome to back out now that the damned flea was in his apartment. He knew he wasn’t obligated to entertain the other to this extent, but something seemed off with Izaya, and that nagging voice in his head continued to edge him down whatever this strange path was. 

“Hold on.” He knelt down to open the cabinet where he kept his movies, turning on the kotatsu on the way there.

To both his relief and irritation, the two of them went through his meager DVD collection and a few cans of beer in silence for the next 2 hours. The flea remained uncharacteristically agreeable, making random comments about the characters as Shizuo continued to observe the other, wondering just how many many more drinks it would take before Izaya would tell him what was wrong. It wasn’t until the middle of the second movie that Shizuo finally started feeling the alcohol catch up to him, potentially turning the tables as he stopped consciously navigating through his words in his efforts to squeeze information out of the other.

“You know, you’re not too bad for a flea,” he joked, ruffling the other man’s hair despite Izaya’s protests. He felt much too tipsy and secretly hoped that the other was in a similar state. It would be a shame if he didn’t see even a little of Izaya’s true nature after going through this much.

“Well, Shizu-chan only continues to shatter my expectations. I didn’t know you had such a high alcohol tolerance.”

Shizuo snorted. “You’re the one drinking too much.”

“Well, they say alcohol washes away one’s worries,” Izaya admitted, and Shizuo latched on those words like a burr.

“I should’ve known you had other reasons for inviting me out,” he grumbled, deciding to strike now. He figured he had nothing to lose anyway at this point. Izaya’s face was flushed from the booze, eyes slightly unfocused, a scene he thought he would never witness in his life.

“What’s bothering you so much that you’d want to drink anyway? Especially with me.” He turned his full attention to the other when the informant didn’t answer, suddenly worried that he shouldn’t have asked. “Izaya?”

The laugh came out bitter when he finally heard it, startling Shizuo back into soberness with how utterly broken and unlike Izaya it sounded. He found himself looking into moist eyes, and he definitely regretted prying now. “Izaya, I…” he began.

“You,” Izaya interrupted him, catching him off guard.

“Huh?”

“It’s you,” the other repeated, as sincere as Shizuo had ever heard him. “You’re the reason why I’m drinking.”

“H-Hey, I haven’t thrown a single punch at you these past few weeks,” he tried to crack a joke to bring the other back to his senses. Shizuo honestly didn’t know what to say, suddenly feeling both apprehensive yet thrilled at the same time at finally getting the other to talk.

“But you will eventually.” Izaya nodded to his arm. “When this is healed.”

“That’s still a few weeks away,” he assured the other, although he did not believe it himself. Shizuo knew the time was fast approaching, and to be honest with himself, he would have been perfectly happy if things stayed as they were. Shizuo paused, wondering if that was really all he wanted. It must be the alcohol coming back.

Izaya was quiet for a while, the sound from the television drowning out the silence between them.

“I don’t want this to end,” Shizuo heard the faintest of whispers, almost as if the other were pleading with him. The shakiness in the informant’s voice made his chest tighten uncomfortably, and he peered into the Izaya’s face to find actual tears starting to trickle down the man’s smooth skin.

He wiped a few of them away with a calloused thumb, not knowing what to do. “It doesn’t have to end. You know that, right?” 

He could feel the other lean slightly into his touch, the heat starting to spread through him as a sudden urge to kiss those trembling lips came over him. 

So he did just that, leaning forward until their noses touched, capturing those inviting lips gently with his own. “Izaya,” he breathed the other’s name. He understood the rush now, the confusion and contradictions that seemed to follow him wherever he went these past few weeks. “I like you.”

Shizuo felt the other freeze under him at those words, and his thoughts instantly sobered up when the stream of tears only worsened.

“S-Sorry!” he stuttered. “I didn’t mean to…”

Izaya shook his head, wiping weakly at the tears with a sleeve. “... just a little overwhelmed, that’s all.”

Shizuo pulled the other up gently into a hug, attempting to comfort Izaya in the only way he knew. He had not meant to push the other this far, had not known this was what hid beneath the masks he saw. He vaguely thought of Shinra’s words that day, regretting that he had not taken them more seriously.

“You shouldn’t get close to me,” he heard the informant’s muffled voice in his chest. “You’ll only get hurt.”

“That’s for me to decide,” he replied.

“You’re a masochist, you know that?” the flea attempted a last jest before falling silent. 

The two stayed in that position for a while before he finally felt Izaya’s breathing become steady. Shizuo pulled away slightly only to find that the other had fallen asleep, some of the tears now dried and caked against those long lashes. He slowly picked up the bundle and deposited the informant on the sofa before grabbing some spare blankets from one of the closets.


	8. Chapter 8

An unfamiliar ceiling swam in Izaya’s vision as a stream of light trickling through the blinds slowly broke through his dreamless sleep. He took a moment to take in his surroundings before the memories from the night prior came rushing back like a wave, nearly knocking him off of the sofa as he jolted awake. Unfortunately, the motion itself was enough to send a wave of pain through his head, a stark reminder of why he normally detested drinking.

He groaned, rolling over on the lumpy sofa in an attempt to alleviate some of the pain, but that only caused the blanket to slide off of him, robbing him of the warmth he didn’t know he needed. He wondered why the other would even care enough to throw a blanket over him as he grabbed the comforter and heaved it back over his aching body, thankful for the gesture regardless.

It was then that Izaya heard shuffling above him before the lights suddenly turned on, the brightness too much for his migraine as he raised a hand to shield his eyes. A glass of water somehow materialized in front of him, and it took him a moment to collect himself before he could weakly meet Shizuo’s eyes.

“Thanks,” he muttered, his voice raspy as he took the cup with trembling hands and drank greedily, relieved at the cool liquid soothing his parched throat.

“How are you feeling?” the other asked, as if it weren’t obvious enough. Izaya supposed that he should at least be thankful that Shizuo didn’t bring up what happened last night as their first conversation of the day. He didn’t know if he could handle the implications at the moment.

“My head hurts,” he admitted instead, deciding his physical wellbeing was safe enough to put into words. The man had seen him at his worst already after all.

Almost his worst.

“I didn’t know you couldn’t hold you alcohol,” Shizuo commented, eyes trailing to a pile of beer cans on the table. 

Izaya scrunched up his nose, disgusted with how low he had allowed himself to fall. “It’s not something I particularly enjoy or do often,” he retorted, massaging his temple when another wave of pain rolled through it. 

“Could have fooled me.” He swore that there was a ghost of a smile on the other’s lips.

“You’re just a beast,” Izaya returned, attempting to stand. His legs seemed to still work at least. “Good thing there’s no jobs today. I don’t remember the last time I had to sleep off a hangover.”

“You can stay a little longer,” Shizuo offered. He hated noticing how the other moved just ever so slightly whenever he swayed.

“Thank you for the offer, but I really want to go home and shower.”

The other nodded. “I’ll call you a cab.”

Izaya waited apprehensively for the other to bring up last night as they waited for the taxi outside of Shizuo’s apartment, pulling his coat closer around him as the morning chill blew around them relentlessly. He nearly started when the other climbed in after him for the ride back to Shinjuku and spent the entirety of the trip back bracing himself for the conversation. Yet, his bodyguard remained mercifully silent even as they stood in the elevator, the man leaning casually against the stainless steel railing as the light hit his floor.

He could almost feel his own hand trembling when he finally put the keys into his door, wanting to get it all over with when he finally managed to get the blasted lock open. The short-lived dream he was living was bound to end, and he could not take the painful apprehension any longer. He took a deep breath when he stepped into his apartment and turned around, ready to end it all, to return to the life he knew before, only to find Shizuo still lingering outside in the hallway.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you later then,” Shizuo told him.

“Huh?” he answered blankly.

“I just wanted to make sure you get home safely.” 

“Oh.” Izaya swallowed thickly. He had been so ready for the other end to this charade now that they were both sober, that it had not occurred to him that perhaps Shizuo was trying to put this off as much as he did. The thought softened him a little, and the small hope that the night before had been genuine flickered slightly. 

Yet, he was still unsure, still unwilling to let everything go on the possibility that this was all still just a fabrication of his own desires.

“Shizu-chan’s such a great bodyguard!” he found himself saying, masks sliding messily back into place. He really needed some time to think through this.

The comment made the other roll his eyes, obviously seeing through his facade.

“We’ll talk later, okay?” Izaya continued, his voice too meek, too quiet for someone like him.

He allowed himself to pretend that the small smile the other gave him was genuine.

“Sure.”

He’ll allow himself that much for now.

.

Shizuo breathed out slowly as he listened to the ringtone, wondering if this was a good idea as the man on the opposite line finally picked up.

“What can I do for you, Heiwajima-san?” the damned yakuza answered as if the other was expecting his call this entire time. He had half a mind to lie that he had dialed the wrong number, but he gritted his teeth and pushed on, determined to get some answers. 

“I want to talk,” he told the other, “about Izaya.”

He could hear a muffled chuckle on the other end. “My schedule is free this afternoon. We can discuss your assignment then.”

“That’s fine.”

He found himself in a small office located in a rather nondescript building late afternoon. The yakuza smashed the remains of a cigarette in the ashtray as Shizuo closed the door behind him. 

“Please, take a seat,” Shiki insisted, motioning to one of the sofas in front of the desk. Shizuo grudgingly sat down, eyes flickering around the room in search for any hidden henchmen. He detected none, confirming that the other had sent all of them away for their conversation. 

“So, what would you like to talk about regarding our informant?” Shiki began, resting his chin on the back of his fingers like it was any regular business transaction.

Shizuo gritted his teeth. “What happened to Izaya in the past? You know, don’t you?”

That knowing smile was starting to get on his nerves. “I take it that you tried to get too close to him? You’re finally admitting your curiosity now?”

Shizuo felt the heat rising to his ears but chose to ignore it. Shiki seemed to take his silence as an affirmative and rose from the desk to the mini fridge in the room to remove a rather hefty looking bottle of scotch. The bodyguard shook his head no when the other offered him some. He’s had enough alcohol for quite a while.

“I am the reason Izaya has trouble forming relationships,” Shiki told him as the man scooped some ice into a glass.

“What do you mean?” Shizuo asked as he listened to the liquid pour into the glass, the soft crack of the melting ice echoing in the room. He suddenly felt apprehensive as the possibilities ran through his head.

Before any more assumptions could fully take root, Shiki sat across from him, taking a sip of the alcohol before continuing. “Izaya was always very eager to please when he started his dealings with our group. The others were wary of him, of course, since he was a kid, so they assigned me to deal with him.”

“A kid? So even back in highschool…” Shizuo trailed off. It didn’t seem too implausible, given how Izaya was like back then. In fact, it all fit together quite nicely.

“You know how it is at that age. He was probably just starting to become aware of his own proclivities and latched on to the first person who was a potential interest.”

“Pardon?” 

“I knew that he was attracted to me.”

Shizuo blinked, feeling his blood run cold as the man took another sip of scotch. “So you took advantage of him?” he breathed out.

The instantaneous glare he earned from the other relieved him to no end. “I’m not that crass, Heiwajima-san. Even I would not lay my hands on a kid.” Shiki set the glass down on the table between them before leaning back onto the sofa, the usual cordial mask off as he continued his story. “There was another man called Nakamura that Izaya was quite close with. I assumed that he took advantage of Izaya’s immaturity and presented himself as a close confidant of some sort. They were seen together quite often.”

An uncomfortable knot grew in Shizuo’s chest as the image of Izaya with another man flashed through his head. He pushed the feeling aside. “Did he do something to Izaya?” 

“I don’t know what kind of relationship they had, but he was clearly hoping to use Izaya to get to me.” Shiki’s eyes narrowed. “He managed to assemble a small group when he defected from the Awakusu-kai and almost shot up the place, but Izaya chose to protect me instead.”

Shizuo had no words to say to that, finding the revelation surprising. He couldn’t picture the informant to be a self-sacrificing type in any circumstance.

Shiki seemed to read his mind. “Yes, completely out of character, don’t you think? They had a gun pointed at me and that idiot just strolled right up to them and offered himself in my place. He convinced them not to make a big scene, and Nakamura dragged him away during the escape when our backup arrived.”

Shiki’s hands clenched slightly from the memory. 

“We found them fairly quickly regardless. Those bastards had roughed up Izaya quite a bit for betraying him. If we had come even a few minutes later…”

Shizuo gulped, understanding the implications. 

Shiki took a deep breath to calm himself. “The traitors are dead. Izaya just calmly picked himself up like nothing had happened. He claims to this day that he’s fine, but I know he’s not. It festers under his skin, and I’m afraid that these past events have finally allowed it to resurface. I don’t know what Nakamura said to him, but the damage was clearly more than just physical.”

“He didn’t…” Shizuo trailed off. He had to make sure.

Shiki shook his head. “To my knowledge, we got there on time.” The man sighed, shaking his head. “Or, maybe I didn’t. I let the charade go on for much too long.”

“What do you mean?”

“I knew Nakamura was using Izaya to get to me, but I waited because I wanted to see where Izaya’s loyalties lie. I made him choose between Nakamura and the Awakusu-kai. Izaya shies away from human attachment, even though he clearly yearns for it. I suspect it is because he doesn’t want to end up betraying them should the need ever arise again.”

“That doesn’t sound like him at all.”

“Yet he hasn’t joined the Awakusu-kai after all these years.”

Shizuo shrugged. “Maybe he just likes his freedom.”

Shiki smiled wryly. “Perhaps if you were the one, then he could be more at ease and learn to settle back into what we consider normal relationships.”

Shiki’s phone rang again before Shizuo could answer, saving him from needing to comment on such a statement. The yakuza stared at the caller ID for a moment before raising the phone to his ears. “Excuse me for a moment while I take this.”

“Sure.”

“What is it?” Shiki’s eyes widened. “What? You lost track of him?”

Shizuo blinked. 

.

Izaya stared idly at his bedroom ceiling, body sluggish from sleeping the entire afternoon away. At the very least, the pounding headache had finally dulled to a mere throb, which the pitcher of water he had grabbed from downstairs had done wonders for. 

He closed his eyes, remembering the featherlike kiss on his lips the night before.

_‘I like you.’_

He wanted to tell himself it was the alcohol talking, that no one in their right mind would show him such tenderness, but Shizuo had not pushed him away this morning despite clearly remembering everything that had happened last night. The other had offered him a way out, the option to pretend that he didn’t remember any of it, but then he had gone and promised Shizuo that they would _talk_. 

Izaya sighed, rolling to the other side of the bed. He dared himself to hope.

Unable to take the apprehension anymore, Izaya threw on his coat and headed to Ikebukuro, his mind racing as the crowds swarmed around him during rush hour. He finally stepped into the street to Sunshine City, breathing in the cold air as he wondered where to search first. 

His pocket vibrated, and he reached inside, suddenly realizing that he could have just texted Shizuo in the first place. Izaya stared at the object incredulously, almost wanting to laugh at his own foolishness. He had been so preoccupied with thoughts of the other, that he had overlooked something so simple.

He texted back. _‘I’m at Sunshine 60 Dori. Where are you?’_

_‘Stay there. I’ll come to you.’_

He held onto the phone tightly, his heart pounding as he waited for the other among the crowds of people. To be honest, it scared him, taking this step forward. Nakamura’s face flashed in his mind, a constant reminder of what happened the last time he chose to get close to someone.

Izaya swallowed, closing his eyes. Shizuo was different. A truck couldn’t even take down that mons- that man. The other was truly an enigma. He had spent so many years tormenting the other, and yet Shizuo had offered him a hand just like that, had saved when any other sane human would have left him to die in that dirty alley. 

The other had even said that he _fancied_ him of all people. 

It was all unfathomable, and the more Izaya thought about it, the faster his heart raced. He would see this to the end, he told himself.

If the dream were to crack now, then he would not have gone too deep.

And if he were to keep dreaming, well…

A sudden chill down his spine brought him back to the bustling crowd around him, and he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. He breathed out slowly, recognizing this feeling.

“You’re a hard man to get a hold of,” someone whispered in his ear, and he felt something hard against his back, hidden by the black of his hoodie no doubt.

Izaya nearly cursed at his carelessness.


	9. Chapter 9

They arrived at Sunshine 60 Dori in the middle of rush hour, the crowds flowing around them relentlessly in a swarm of puffer jackets and understated wool coats. Shizuo peered through the kaleidoscope of colors for the familiar black furry hood, unable to spot the informant among the bustle. He unlocked his phone to text Izaya again, but the previous messages after the first he had sent remained unread.

“He doesn’t seem to be here,” Shiki stated the obvious, irking him even further as Shizuo shoved the object back into his pocket before he could inadvertently crush it with his growing annoyance.

“He was though, not too long ago.”

“Perhaps the culprit has his phone. Although, that will work in our favor as well.” He incredulously watched Shiki activate some kind of tracking app, and the device took a moment to connect as the yakuza looked up at him. “I installed it on one of his phones when he was in the hospital,” the man calmly explained to him like it was normal to invade someone’s privacy in this way, but Shizuo was having none of it, stomping off away from the other. It took quite a large amount of self control to not grab the phone from the yakuza and hurl it into outer space. 

“Heiwajima-san!” he could hear the other hurry after him, but he paid the man no mind as he continued his barely controlled rampage through the crowds. Luckily for the faceless pedestrians, his footsteps took him to the residential section of Ikebukuro, the lights from the restaurants and gaming centers replaced with smaller apartment buildings that lined the narrow streets. Shiki had not stopped him yet, so he must be going in the right direction.

He still could not believe that Shiki had planted a tracker of all things into Izaya’s phone. What was worse was the realization that the flea must have let him. Izaya was much too good of an informant to not notice something strange going on with his electronics. He knew it was an irrational thought at the moment, but he had half a mind to crush the offending phone in question when he found the other.

Shizuo didn’t know why everything irked him so much and stopped to take a deep breath before he did anything stupid with a yakuza executive in tow.

“Not bad,” he whirled around to snap at the other but instead found himself staring at Shiki’s phone screen, the blinking lights on the map converging on what seemed to be their current location if he was not mistaken. The yakuza nodded to the rather nondescript apartment building before them. “Do you have a tracker on him too?”

Shizuo looked away, suddenly feeling self-conscious. He had always attributed his past unfortunate encounters with Izaya to the flea’s mechanisms, but perhaps he had a hand in their confrontations as well. “I can just tell, sometimes. That’s all,” he muttered, some of the rage leaving him in place of embarrassment.

The smile on the man’s face gave him no solace. “Perhaps next time I can just ask you if I need to get a hold of Izaya. I’ll be sure to get rid of the app once we find our informant, if that would make you feel better.”

“Tch.” Shizuo turned back to the building, deciding not to comment. He suddenly thought of how obvious his jealousy must have appeared to the other and honestly had no witty comeback for Shiki. 

The man thankfully caught on quick and chose not to pursue the matter, at least at the moment. “I’ll send for back-up. Ishikawa has a gun.” 

“Just don’t get in my way,” Shizuo growled, pocketing his sunglasses as he started to ascend the fire escape.

.

“You know, using me as a bargaining chip won’t stop the Awakusu-kai from coming after you,” Izaya commented as he watched Ishikawa from the heavy dining room chair the other had tied him to. His captor had his back to him at the moment, but the gun lay in plain sight on the table as a reminder of how he had ended up in this dirty old apartment. Izaya took the opportunity to test the bindings around his wrists behind him, but the other had done a good job with the knots. Unraveling them without his captor noticing would take some time he admitted grimly. 

The man paused, setting down what looked like a vial before rounding on him. “You think that I captured you to use against the Awakusu-kai?” Ishikawa sneered, the man’s revolting face much too close. Izaya considered spitting on the other just to elicit a reaction but decided against it at the moment. He needed to stall for time and had no desire for the other to test whatever substance that was in that bottle on him before help came. He did not, however, expect the other to cup his cheek, forcing him to look up.

Izaya gritted his teeth to prevent himself from flinching at the cold hands.

“Such a beautiful face,” he felt the man’s hot breath against his skin. “Pity they destroyed all of the evidence. I’m sure the tapes would have been splendid to watch.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied nonchalantly. Izaya was beginning to slowly put together the pieces, and it took quite a lot of effort to hide his disgust.

Ishikawa smirked, apparently still assuming that he had the upper hand with the information he had supposedly gathered. “They say that Nakamura and his men were planning to sell you on the black market after they had finished with you. I can only imagine how far they must have gone to prompt the great Shiki to have shot him on sight.”

Izaya swallowed thickly, wondering to what extent this pervert’s mind had filled in the holes in the story. He knew of the rumors of course. It wasn’t everyday that someone like Shiki acted so rashly.

“Whatever fantasy you’ve built up regarding my past is quite far from the truth, I assure you,” he forced out despite the discomfort of hearing Nakamura’s name. He needed to keep this bastard talking.

“Oh?” Ishikawa let go of his chin. “Well, truth or not, I’m going to enjoy breaking you. I should have aimed for your leg the last time so that you could not escape. Actually…” Izaya followed the man’s gaze to the gun on the table, his mind racing with adrenaline.

“You don’t have a silencer on that, do you? Probably not a very good thing to use recklessly in an apartment complex you don’t own,” Izaya managed calmly after a moment.

Ishikawa let out a bark of laughter. “So you are an informant! Just wait until I finish diluting this. I can’t wait to see how it will take away that mind you treasure so much.”

Izaya glared at the other. “So that’s what it all came down to, huh? Because Awakusu-kai didn’t buy into your little ‘business’ venture?”

“Shut up,” the man growled, returning to the desk. “I’ll show them what this drug can do. I’ll show them with Shiki’s little pet. Nakamura would have loved to be here.”

“Don’t you dare use Nakamura’s name like that. He was nothing like you,” Izaya hissed through clenched teeth. He remembered wide eyes, blood dripping onto him, the days the two of them had spent talking about dreams he had long abandoned. The binds dug into his wrists as he tried to maneuver them off. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears as Ishikawa raised the syringe to the light, expelling the air bubble as a drop of liquid dripped from the tip of the needle. 

“Why would you defend someone who betrayed you?” Ishikawa asked him, stopping before Izaya with the needle in hand.

Izaya glared at the other, feeling the anger and fear churn inside of him. “You didn’t know? I betrayed him. I am the reason he died.” 

This seemed to catch Ishikawa off guard as the other tried to make sense of Izaya’s words. “Well, it matters not. I won’t end up like Nakamura. You seem to forget what position you’re in,” the man finally spoke before reaching behind Izaya to expose his neck. “You think the ones who know are all dead, don’t you? That Shiki would protect you forever.” 

Izaya felt the cold air against his skin when his ears picked up some voices from down the hall. “You’ve made a fatal mistake. He’s not the one protecting me.”

“Oh?”

Izaya let out his breath when he heard the voices again right outside the door. 

_“Heiwajima-san, are you sure…”_

“Hey,” he tried to turn his head to avoid the needle but a strong grip around his throat firmly held him in place, nearly choking him. “Have you met my bodyguard?” he managed to breath out through the pain.

Ishikawa snorted. “Nice try, but I’m afraid he’s too lat-”

The door flew off its hinges with a loud crash just as he felt a small prick on the back of his neck, and Ishikawa disappeared from his view, thrown across the room with a well placed punch. He spotted the syringe on the ground, the barrel half pushed in.

“Amazing, Heiwajima-san.” Izaya looked up to see Shiki stepping pointedly over the rubble into the room after Shizuo. 

“Do you remember what happens to traitors?” the yakuza executive asked, eyes flashing dangerously as he approached Ishikawa with a gun aimed at the other man's chest. Ishikawa scooted back until he crashed into the drawer behind him with nowhere left to escape. “Not only do you betray us, but you had the gall to lay your hands on our best informant.” Izaya likened the entire situation to that of a predator cornering its prey, ready to pounce in for the final kill. He had forgotten how Shiki looked in his natural element.

The informant was brought back to his own situation by the sound of ropes hitting the floor as Shizuo broke all of his bindings with an effortless tug.

“Are you okay?” He looked up to the other, a little disoriented at how muffled the bodyguard sounded. Izaya wondered if it was just the adrenaline rushing out of him as he tested his limbs to find them still somewhat responsive.

Izaya opened his mouth to say that he was fine as he stood up from the chair only for a wave of vertigo to wash over him. He gasped, tripping over himself, but like always Shizuo’s hands were there to save him from crumpling into a heap. 

His eyes trailed back to the syringe on the floor, his vision wavering as he started to shiver.

“S-Shizu-chan?”

.

“Easy there,” Shizuo muttered, trying to pull Izaya upright when he noticed a thin trail of blood running down the back of the informant’s neck. “Hey! He’s bleeding!”

It was then he spotted what looked like a syringe next to one of the chair legs, and he made eye contact with Shiki from across the room. 

The yakuza executive turned back to Ishikawa, eyes flashing dangerously. “What did you give him?”

“N-Nothing dangerous!” the man stammered. “J-Just my own compound, the one you didn’t want to use. Its effects only last a few hours, remember?”

Shizuo turned away from their discussion as Izaya’s feet seemed to fail the informant, and he tried to reposition his hold on the other when Shiki suddenly struck Ishikawa across the face with the butt of his gun before pointing it between the man’s eyes. Izaya curled up on himself at the action, eyes clenched shut with his hands over his ears. 

“Izaya?” 

He guided the other to the ground, trying to find out if the other was injured anywhere else when he heard the smallest of whimpers.

“S-Sorry... I’m sorry... Nakamura…”

Shizuo turned to Shiki and Ishikawa, shaking his head at the yakuza when he realized just what Izaya was reacting to, the irrational fear likely enhanced by the drug’s effects.

“Tch,” Shiki spat.

“P-Please,” Ishikawa begged. Shiki slammed the butt of his gun on the man’s head with as much force as he could muster, and the other fell to the ground in a heap. The yakuza grabbed the stolen firearm from the table before walking over to them, picking up the abandoned syringe before looking Izaya over.

“Escort him back to his apartment for now and watch him for a few hours. I don’t think much went in, but we can’t be too careful.”

“I’ll call Shinra,” Shizuo told him.

Shiki nodded. “That might be a good idea. I’ll have one of my men outside drive you two back.” 

Shizuo picked up the informant gingerly, the other now shivering uncontrollably in his arms. Izaya’s usual pale skin was flushed, and he could feel a slight temperature when he put his forehead against the informant’s to check for a fever. He looked up to the motionless Ishikawa, wishing that he had punched the other harder earlier.

“My men and I will take care of this filth,” Shiki said, seeming to read his mind.

An hour later, Shizuo found himself pacing back and forth on the first floor of Izaya’s apartment, impatiently waiting for Shinra to complete his assessment upstairs as Celty kept him company.

_“He’ll be fine, Shizuo.”_

“I know,” he groaned, forcing himself to collapse onto the sofa. “If only I hadn’t said anything, then he wouldn’t have acted so recklessly out of character.”

_“Did something happen?”_

“I…” Shizuo stopped, feeling the heat rise up his face. “We were drunk and I kind of told him I liked him.” He looked up when he didn’t hear the other typing a response. Celty shook her head after a few seconds and continued.

_“And?”_

He blinked at the short message. “What do you mean ‘and’?”

_“Are you guys dating now?”_

“N-No!” He stammered, suddenly flustered. Shizuo sighed as he scratched his head and weighed the pros and cons of telling Celty. He supposed there was no harm in it given how long her boyfriend had known the informant. “Izaya kind of just broke down crying. I had no idea what to do.”

Celty put her hand up to where her chin would be as if in contemplation. _“Shinra did say that he’s quite fragile for someone so cunning.”_

“Yeah, and I didn’t believe him.”

_“How did he end up like this anyway? Shiki’s communication to us was rather sparse.”_

“He went to Ikebukuro by himself to look for me, but that bastard found him first. The one who shot him last month.”

Celty clapped her hands together before typing. _“So, you two were going to talk about it?”_

“Huh?” Shizuo realized that she meant that he was going to talk with Izaya about his confession. “I guess.”

 _“That’s a good sign then. There’s still hope.”_ Shizuo sighed at those words, wondering if he should even bother getting his hopes up. Izaya still hadn’t outright rejected him yet, so he supposed that that was a good sign. The two of them looked up when they heard a soft click from above them and saw Shinra descending the stairs.

“He’ll be fine,” the doctor told them. “Not much went in from what Shiki told me, and the effects are already wearing off. He does have a slight temperature at the moment. It might be from all the stress he’s experiencing lately.” 

“I see,” Shizuo muttered, letting out the breath he didn’t know he was holding him. “Thanks for coming over so late.”

Shinra patted him on the back. “You should probably just sleep over and make sure he’s fine for the night. Just in case there’s any weird side effects we’ve missed.”

_“Come over for hotpot when you two reconcil, okay?”_

“W-What?” Shizuo stammered. “S-Sure!” he answered awkwardly, shooing the two away before Shinra could read her message. He sighed when the two were finally gone and went slowly up the stairs. He opened Izaya’s door softly to find the informant resting in bed, a cooling pad tucked under the long bangs.

Shizuo quietly dragged one of the sofa chairs over to the side of the bed and sat down, watching the rise and fall of the informant’s chest as the other slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've always had this head cannon that Shizuo can sense (or smell lol) Izaya since he's a smelly flea~ Ahaha please forgive me. Anyways, I think we have maybe 1-2 chapters left at most. I hope you've enjoyed the ride thus far!


	10. Chapter 10

Izaya felt warm. The familiar sight of his own room greeted him as he woke, his body sluggish and sticky from sweat. He felt something heavy on his forehead and grabbed at it to find a slightly damp cloth that someone must have placed on him the night before. He tried to recall how he had gotten home after Shizuo and Shiki stormed into the apartment, but only snippets of the car ride came back to him and... 

_The echo of the gun revolved around and around in his mind, Nakamura’s eyes wide before they rolled back into his head._

“Tch.” He massaged his temple in an attempt to chase away the memories and nearly started when he finally noticed blond hair at the side of his bed.

_Hands suddenly wrapped around him, keeping him from falling into the darkness as their owner called his name._

“Shizu-chan?” he gasped before he could stop himself. His voice seemed to have finally woken the sleeping bodyguard, and Izaya found himself staring into sleep-crusted brown eyes.

“Morning,” Shizuo yawned before Izaya could say anything. The man sat up and stretched, rubbing his eyes like this entire situation was normal, like it wasn’t at all strange that the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro had kept vigil at the side of his greatest enemy’s bed.

Izaya swallowed the lump in his throat, realizing that he could do with a glass of water at the moment before any more inappropriate thoughts invaded his already muddled mind. He knew they had to talk. He had gone to Ikebukuro yesterday with the intent of doing so, but now that Shizuo was in front of him, he felt the crushing nervousness clenching his stomach. 

It was not a familiar emotion to him.

“Do you want to order breakfast?” he found himself offering.

“Sure.” The small smile the other gave him nearly made his heart skip a beat. “Anything you’re craving?”

“You can pick.” Izaya noted his wallet and an assortment of phones on the table, silently commending his rescuers for retrieving everything for him from Ishikawa’s hideout. He reached over and took out one of his credit cards to hand over to Shizuo. “Shizu-chan can order. I’m going to take a shower. I feel gross.”

The cool spray of water calmed his nerves somewhat, and Izaya sighed in contentment once he was finally clean and dressed in a set of lounge clothes. He headed downstairs with a towel around his neck, still feeling a little warm from the fever. Shizuo watched him intently from the couch, and he noticed a pot of tea on the coffee table.

“You must think that I’m a terrible host for making his guest brew the tea,” Izaya remarked as he plopped himself down on the couch next to the other.

“Shut up. You’re sick,” Shizuo returned, and Izaya caught sight of a slight blush before the other suddenly grabbed the towel around his shoulders.

“What…” Izaya yelped when Shizuo started drying his hair with a little more force than necessary.

“You’ll only make your cold worse running around with wet hair, dumb flea,” Shizuo scolded him, although Izaya could clearly make out the other’s red ears under the towel.

“S-Stupid protozoan!” he returned instead, feeling just as flustered as the other must be. Not only did he stay under the same roof as Shizuo for the second night now, the other was currently drying his hair. “S-Stop! I’ll turn up the heater!”

Izaya found himself wrapped up in one of his spare blankets a few minutes later at Shizuo’s insistence, sipping on tea to wash down the few pills Shinra had apparently left behind. The warmth did make him feel somewhat better, and he hugged the plush throw around him tighter after setting down the cup. He leaned back into the sofa as he mustered up the courage to talk to his own bodyguard. 

“How did you find me yesterday?” he finally asked.

Shizuo’s eyes lit up as if the other suddenly remembered something important. “I forgot! That bastard installed a tracking app on your phone.”

Izaya nearly snorted, realizing that the other was referring to none other than Shiki. He would have loved to see the man’s expression if Shizuo were to call the yakuza executive a “bastard” to his face. “I know. I deactivate it whenever I don’t want him to know where I am.”

“What?”

Izaya shrugged. “I consider it as an extra precaution, at least until after I’ve recovered. It came in handy, right?”

“Delete it,” Shizuo hissed, apparently still unhappy about the revelation.

Izaya chuckled, feeling inclined to tease the other. “You used it to find me, right?” Shizuo refused to meet his eyes.

“I actually didn’t use the app,” the bodyguard muttered so softly that Izaya almost didn’t hear him.

Izaya blinked at Shizuo for a moment before the realization struck him. “So you’re saying you sniffed me out? Creepy,” he laughed. Izaya had forgotten that the man had a strange knack for finding him whenever he was in Ikebukuro. What made it worse was that he realized that he was actually quite pleased with the revelation. 

“Well, you’re smelly for a flea!” Shizuo retorted. 

Izaya grinned, feeling himself relax a little. He had thought that it would be much more difficult to talk to the other after everything that happened, but Shizuo was still his usual self. Speaking of which, he realized he still had not verbalized his gratitude. It was yet another thing he was not used to doing.

“Thank you for protecting me, Shizu-chan.” Izaya looked away, biting his lip when he recalled the syringe. “If you had come even a little later, then…” he trailed off. He shuddered slightly at the memory, the fear catching up to him now that he was safe in his own apartment.

Shizuo scratched his head, and Izaya wondered if the other found the entire situation offputting. They both knew what could have happened if Shizuo and Shiki hadn’t come when they did. “Actually, I wanted to say sorry.” Izaya looked at the other, ready to ask him why, but Shizuo beat him to it. “I heard about Nakamura.”

Izaya stared into those brown eyes for a moment, finding nothing but remorse and something he could not decipher at the moment. “You asked Shiki, didn’t you?”

Shizuo nodded guiltily. 

Izaya sighed and placed his face in his hands, not knowing what to do with this information. He had never told anyone about Nakumura, his first confidant, the first person he had trusted when he entered the underground. Shiki knew bits and pieces, of course, since he was heavily involved in the entire incident, but Izaya had kept silent about it all these years, unwilling to talk through his experience. The loss was harrowing, and it had eaten at him constantly whenever he thought about Nakamura. 

“It was supposed to be over. I was supposed to be fine,” he trembled.

Shizuo remained silent, waiting for him to continue. Izaya had never seen the other so calm, so patient.

He swallowed, knowing that he could not move on without telling Shizuo. He owed it that much to his savior.

“I’ve always loved all humans, Shizu-chan. I had trouble understanding it in the beginning, but Nakamura talked me through it, that it was my ‘normal’ I guess you could say. I thought we were pretty close back then. We were both young, ambitious.” He picked up the tea cup to warm his hands, remembering the days the two of them would spend talking about their dreams for the future, rather reckless goals now that he reflected back on them.

“Nakamura, he trusted me with his life, and asked me to pick him when the time came. I knew what he was doing was crazy, but at the same time I didn’t tell Shiki. They would have killed him instantly if I did.”

“You tried to talk him out of it though, right?” Shizuo asked.

Izaya nodded. “I did. And at the end, he still died.” He looked at the cup in his trembling hands and allowed the other to take it away from him before he could spill it and burn himself. “I can still remember his blood dripping over me. If only I had been more decisive, if I had only returned his feelings, then he would have lived.”

Warm hands encircled his. “Just what happened after they took you, Izaya?”

He shook his head. “Nothing really. I was arguing with Nakamura and the others before he pushed me down and asked me why I betrayed him. The next thing I knew, there was blood all over me. Shiki had placed a tracker on me and shot Nakamura on sight.” Izaya’s voice lowered to just barely a whisper. “I was going to tell him that…” The words caught in his throat, and Shizuo gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. Izaya took a deep breath. “I-I wanted him to live. But, I hesitated at the last second, and then Shiki burst through the door.”

Izaya buried his face in his hands, trapping Shizuo’s hands between them.

“I keep hearing the gunshots, over and over. I’m supposed to love all humans, but at that moment...” He swallowed. “I felt relieved that they were dead. I knew what might have happened if Shiki didn’t find me then. I’m not stupid.”

“You were scared. It’s a normal reaction.”

“I still killed him though, Shizu-chan.”

“You know you’re not obligated to return someone’s feelings.” Izaya looked up at the other, who sighed before relaxing his grip. “Look, if Nakamura really liked you, then he wouldn’t have said those words to you. He wouldn’t have put you in such a situation.” 

“He was desperate.”

“He was using you to get to Shiki.”

Izaya cleared his throat. “That’s not possible. Shiki doesn’t even like me. He would have gotten rid of me at the first sign of betrayal.” 

“But he’s protected you all these years.”

Izaya remained silent at that, knowing this to be true. He always wondered if the other man felt some sort of obligation to him after being the unintentional cause of his trauma.

“You know it’s true.” Shizuo moved closer to him and he found himself staring into those impossibly warm brown eyes. “It’s okay to let people in, Izaya.”

He wondered how he had ever thought the other a monster. “They’ll end up dying, just like Nakamura.”

“Well, Shinra’s still alive after knowing you all these years.” Shizuo looked up, seeming to wrack his brain for another example. “I’m still in one piece.”

Izaya snorted. “You don’t count.”

Shizuo smiled. “Was that a compliment?”

Izaya squeezed the bodyguard’s hands lightly, feeling the warmth under his fingers. “I’m sorry about the other night,” he quavered, averting his eyes.

“I had a feeling you were pretending that you didn’t remember,” Shizuo muttered. “Look, I’m sorry for kissing you, but I wasn’t lying. I understand if you prefer Shiki.”

Those words caught Izaya by surprise and he gaped at the other, speechless for a good few seconds. Shizuo seemed to take his silence as an affirmation. 

“Am I right?”

He managed to pull himself together when a chuckle escaped his lips. “I would say I might have been slightly attracted to him back then, but that’s definitely back when I was young and influenced by everyone around me.”

“So, what’s the type of person you would choose in this time of your life?” Shizuo asked, the man’s voice barely a whisper.

Izaya felt the blush creep up his face, knowing the beast had him cornered. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” he asked, suddenly noticing that the other’s face was rather close.

“I can be patient for you,” Shizuo’s breath was against his lips. 

Izaya took the first step forward, unwilling to let the other win at whatever this game was called. He breathed a sigh of relief when the dream didn’t shatter on impact, Shizuo’s soft kisses stopped only by the sound of the doorbell indicating that their breakfast had arrived.

.

Izaya watched the exchange rather disinterestedly from the side as Shiki and his men encircled the gang that had attempted to set up territory on Awakusu-kai’s turf. He had managed to use the bar owner to corner the true culprits and decided to attend the clean-up as part of Shiki’s plan to lure them out. He found the entire situation quite boring to his surprise, wondering if he had finally started to grow out of this phase of his life.

“Y-You traitor!” one of the thugs yelled, managing to break away from the group to take a swing at him. He dodged easily, cackling as he gave the man’s pompadour haircut a rather close trim.

“You have the strangest hobbies,” Shiki sighed as they rounded up the men. His gaze trailed to the knife in Izaya’s hand. “You seem to have regained full use of your arm.”

“I’m as good as new,” Izaya reassured him, hiding the switchblade away with a flick of his wrist. 

Shiki took out a cigarette. “I have reservations for dinner, if you would like to join me,” he stated casually as he lit the cancer stick.

“Oh?”

“There’s no meaning behind it, Orihara-san. Take it as a thank you for finding Ishikawa for us.”

“More like he found me,” Izaya stated sourly. He never did ask what Shiki ended up doing with the man.

“You were quite inconvenienced because of us,” Shiki continued to insist.

Izaya sighed, knowing that the other wouldn’t stop bothering him until he accepted. “Fine.” He supposed he’ll try and see what exactly the other had in mind, hoping that it was merely a dinner between business associates.

He found himself sitting across from Shiki in a sushi restaurant in one of the highrises, the sophisticated atmosphere hinting at its surely hefty price.

“How are things with Heiwajima-san?”

Izaya choked on his water, coughing rather clumsily into the napkin as the other watched him with some amusement. “Neh, that’s a mean question to ask when I have something in my mouth.”

The other smiled wryly before laying the napkin on his lap. 

“It seems like you’ve finally made some progress in your relationships, Orihara-san.”

The waiter came at that moment, and Izaya ordered the most expensive omakase option just to spite the other. To his relief, Shiki only continued to make small talk until their food arrived, and Izaya found himself enjoying some of the best ootoro that he’s had in a long time. He swore that he also heard the Awakusu-kai executive sigh in contentment as well at the end of their meal. 

“I never apologized for what happened to Nakamura,” Shiki told him as the two of them worked on the remnants of the wine they had ordered, and Izaya braced himself for the impact. However, the blow was softer than he had anticipated, the pain much more bearable than he had known these past years. “I was too hasty in my actions.”

“I’ve never blamed you once,” Izaya told him. 

“I know.” Shiki’s reserved demeanor caught him off guard, and he found himself continuing the conversation despite his instinct telling him to stop.

“Everything happened because of my decisions. You were only trying to protect me.”

“I knew you liked me back then.”

Izaya’s eyes widened.

“That’s why you chose me over Nakamura, and I’m honored.” Izaya found himself looking straight into the other’s eyes. “I’m sorry that you had to make such a decision on my behalf.”

Izaya sighed, feeling somewhat freed by those words.

“I’m afraid it wouldn’t have worked out between us, darling. Relationships within the workplace always tend to get complicated, and I’d rather not get shot again.”

The corners of the yakuza’s mouth turned up. “I guess it's good that Nakamura helped us dodge that bullet. But, I would hope that it wouldn’t deter you from seeking outside of work.”

“You told Shizuo to look after me, didn’t you?”

Shiki smiled wryly. “I took a chance. I figured there must have been something different that brought you two together. It couldn't have all been hate.”

Izaya swirled the cup of wine in his hand, watching the way the liquid flowed around the glass. “I think I’ll give this ‘dating’ thing a try.”

.

“Just how much can you fit into that pot, Shinra?” Izaya asked when he and Shizuo stepped into Shinra’s house with multiple bags of groceries weighing them down. Izaya swore that he had almost bought the entire store back with them.

“I’d figured we start small,” Shinra chortled, the scent of the hotpot permeating the room. Izaya suddenly doubted the other knew what ‘small’ meant.

Sure enough, his stomach screamed at him to stop a few hours later as Shizuo threw in yet another batch of meat. He had already eaten his way through multiple servings of beef and vegetables as well as some udon for good measure. Izaya groaned just thinking about the aftermath.

“Growing boys need to eat!” Shinra declared, piling some more mushrooms onto Izaya’s plate. He had half a mind to just give Celty back her head so that she could help them finish this monstrosity of a meal. He and Shinra had been discussing it the past few months now. Of course, they weren’t sure what would happen once she regained her memories, but Izaya figured they had time. In any case, Celty seemed to be in no rush when he inquired her about it casually during one of their job handoffs. 

A champagne glass thrusted in front of him tore him away from his thoughts and aching stomach. Izaya took it gingerly, frowning as he recalled the last time he drank. 

Then again, that little episode might have led him to where he was now.

“Here’s to your full recovery!” Shinra announced cheerily, raising the glass up. Izaya put the liquid to his mouth to hide the small smile that escaped him. He supposed he could make an exception this time.

On the other hand, Shizuo had been watching his boyfriend intently through the meal, his own stomach much too full off of meat, but the expression Izaya had given him when he threw that last packet of beef in was worth it. The informant excused himself towards the end of the meal when Shinra stood up to take an emergency call. Celty nodded to Shizuo before slowly beginning to pick up the dishes.

Shizuo headed to the balcony, finding the other staring at the lights below them as he slid the glass door shut behind him.

“Who came up with the idea for hotpot?” Izaya asked as he approached the informant.

“It was Celty’s idea. And you don’t like eating alone, so…” Shizuo trailed off.

Izaya chuckled, snaking his hand through Shizuo’s. “Oh! I heard about this new place we can try next week. It’s…” Shizuo watched the other talk animatedly about this new restaurant, still not believing his luck. He had cursed himself the past few months for not noticing the other for so many years, but he figured that if it weren't for him becoming Izaya’s bodyguard, then none of this would have come to pass.

Shiki had definitely made the right gamble, asking him of all people to be Izaya’s bodyguard.

“So what do you think, Shizu-chan?”

Shizuo leaned over and kissed him.

“H-Hey! We’re at Shinra’s house!” Izaya stammered.

Shizuo grinned. “Let’s help them clean up and go back to my place then.”

Izaya’s lips turned up into the most genuine smile, much different from the informant he had known all these years. 

“That sounds like a wonderful idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! So this was originally supposed to be a one-shot and it somehow turned into this haha. I hope you enjoyed the ride!


End file.
